Miss Priss Does a Blog

It's hot again. The heat rises up off of the dark asphalt like wavy gravy lines and I get thirsty just walking out from the building through the parking lot to my car. And it's only like ten feet. That hot.

Today I saw a deer in the woods. Doe, a deer, a female dear. She was calm as a Hindu cow (because Hindu dear don't exsist I suppose) and I tested my boundaries by seeing how close I could get. She ducked her head, I ducked mine too. Glancing at me sideways I did the same right back at her. I was having a Bill Dance Outdoors kind of moment smack dab in the middle of the work day. It was nice. Except I started thinking, aren't deer supposed to be super afraid of humans? Not this one. Creepy. Or maybe just acclimated to us dirty humans mucking up her playground. I don't know. To be honest with you dear creep me out. Almost as much as horses, but that's another story another day.

My right hand started freaking out last week. It all started when I noticed I couldn't type very well or write. My already hard to read script is now tiny and I have a problem in particular writing 8's or 'y's. I also have a shake going on, a bad shake. I'm also dropping things right and left. I meant to call the doctor today but I got so busy, so I will call tomorrow. I'm hoping for the best and not the worst.

This weekend I saw the Batman movie. I knew it was a good movie when I only had to get up to pee one time and I didn't even want to go. You see, I'm not a very good movie watcher. I get bored after 45 minutes and I get impatient to see the ending. This movie was so entertaining and I felt like it lived up to the hype.

Following up on the LIST:

I did very well today. I had an insanely chaotic work day today and I did not lose it or get all hyper. I remained cool and in control of myself. I had one of those days where I was so busy all day but nothing really got done. Ever had one of those?

I didn't gossip. I was a little sarcastic, but it was all in good fun..not mean spirited. I kept it real. I kept it positive. As a result I felt good.

I looked into joining Raleigh Area Masters swim team and it's good! It's only $45.00 a month and $35.00 a year for dues. We can swing that. Now I'm looking for suits, swim caps and goggles. Oh, it makes me excited because it makes me think of high school swim team!! I'll probably have the perma stench of chlorine on me like back in the day. Yesss.

This is just a short blog because I'm off to paint my piggies. I'm thinking I'm Not a Waitress Red or Cha-Ching Cherry by OPI. Which, by the way, is supreme. For me, there is no other nail polish better than OPI, they just can't even compete.

I have to make some changes to be a better Andrea. Here they are, in no particular order, right off the top of my head:

Work:

1. Stop being so angry/cynical which leads to mean sarcasm which in turn some people think is funny. But negativity is negativity, no matter which way you slice it and it's making me ill.
2. "Simma Down Now!" on the gossip. We all do it, it's human nature. But as Thumper said "If you can't say anything nice don't say it at all". I'm going to try applying that more often than not.
3. No more beating myself up. I'm learning a new position that I landed with little training (it was the situation, no one's fault). It's only natural that I should make mistakes which leads me to number 4....
4. Stop taking it personally! It's work. Not life.
5. Pay attention more and listen. This is a big one. I have serious A.D.D. issues that keep me from hearing complete sentences. Most the time I already think I know what you've said by the time you get out three words. And the problem is that I'm reacting on those three words, not the complete sentence, ie, jumping to conclusions which makes me take it personally.

Home Life:

1. Start back on a 15 minute clean schedule a day. This is from www.flylady.net which my Mom made me try for a week. It's simple: Set a timer for 15 minutes. Hit up the hot spots in your house like the kitchen, living room, etc. and clean, uninterupted for 15 minutes. You'd be amazed at how much you can get done and if you can't get it all done in 15 minutes that's okay. You always have tomorrow.
2. Have more patience with Alan and others which are house guests.
3. Spend more time upstairs with others. Ever since I was a teenager I've always wanted to be in my bedroom alone. Like I've said before, I tend to prefer solitude and ever since I was a little girl my bedroom has always been my sanctuary. But I'm missing out on a lot by cutting myself out of other peoples life.
4. Go out more! Yes, that's what I typed. I stay in to much and as a result I'm losing friends left and right because I never feel like doing anything.
5. Try and cook something at least one time a week. It's not fair that Alan has to do all the cooking.

Mind/Body:

1. Start working out again. I talked to Alan about this last night and told him how much I miss swimming. So I'm going to look into joining a masters team in town. I'm going to look tonight and I am so excited!!
2. Positive meditation: Think good thoughts and relax for ten minutes at least every other day.
3. Cut down on soda and un-whole foods. No diet soda, soda in strict moderation, lots of water, veggies, fruit, etc.
4. Continue to get good sleep. With my depression it really throws me out of wack when my sleep schedule is interupted.
5. Stop doing injecting heroin. Okay, I'm kidding on that one. HA.

There's my self improvement list. While it's true I can't do much about being depressed there are things I have power over: the way I treat myself, my body, my loved ones and my home. I think honestly working on these items will make me feel better. We'll see!

Have you ever had one of those days where you woke up and just knew that it wasn't going to be a "fun" day? That sinking feeling in your stomach, the rush to get up and go-go even though you would rather pull your covers over your head but you just have to get up and grin and bear it. How about having that feeling 4 days in a row? Welcome to my work week. It has been really...um, how should I say this nicely and politically correctly so that I don't get rebuffed....uhhh, well, interesting. It all came to a head today. It's a really long and really stupid story but it basically amounts to the "higher ups" or as I like to call them, "village idiots" in the office who refuse to be adults and make big boy decisions. It's completely frustrating. I tried so very hard not to let it get to me but after 4 days of non-stop b.s. I snapped today. I vented to one of our principals when he called today all excited for the days events. Surprisingly he completly understood and actually helped out and took charge. I really appreciated this persons help today and while I already had a deep respect for him I have even more after today. Yay for office heroes!

I've felt a sinus infection coming on all week and because I've been so stressed I've put the sickness off or better yet, ignored it. But after today I can feel my body caving in and I'm feeling worse. Right and time for the weekend, ding ding ding!

It's not all doom and gloom: I love the fact that when it pours outside I can drive my car and not get soaking wet (my old car leaked). So that's good. Let me see, what else...I don't have to go to work tomorrow, that's a big plus. There is a party tomorrow night one of Alan's work friends house, that'll be cool. We'll probably eat take out tonight like every Friday night and I love take out. I got my Nylon magazine in the mail. I'm reading a really good book that I can't wait to possibly finish tonight and the house is semi clean, just needs a little retouching and we'll be good to go.

Wow, I haven't written in a long time. I guess I've felt like I have nothing important to say.
Well, that, and I've been really busy with work and when I get home I don't want to be on the computer.

Here are a couple things going on in my life:

• 
  I got a new car! Yay, I am so glad this chapter of my life is over with! I got a 2008 Volkswagen Rabbit. It's 4 doors and silver and I love it. I always wanted a non-American car that was not a Honda or Toyota (ie, BMW or Mercedes) so this is halfway to my goal. What I like most, and what I've noticed most, is that the gears shift very quickly and you can feel it. Not like a jarring motion, but I guess you can say you just feel the power. It's quite zippy and not a Mom-mobile, which is what I wanted to avoid even though it will be a Mom-mobile, in the future, God willing. Not that there is anything wrong with Mom-mobiles, but it's not my style. That's me: Stylish, yes. Practical, not always. Deal.
  
• We're getting ready to do an office move at work. It is a mess. It's been the source of much frustration and irritation lately. That's all I can say.

• I was going to go to Wrightsville Beach this weekend but now it looks like the weather is not going to cooperate. Damn! Oh well, maybe next weekend.

• Alan's getting a laptop computer for work. This is great mainly because he'll be able to be home at more normal times and we'll get to eat dinner together. Right now he works pretty much every day from 8am - 8pm. It's hard on him but it's also hard on us as a couple.
  
• My Mom is coming for a visit in October. Yes, I know, it's a little ways away, but that's okay. It's good to have something to look forward to!

I think that's about all for now. Hope everyone is well and I'm taking applications for muses so I can write more interesting things in the future.

Lately I've been feeling like a quiet riot is going on inside my mind. I cannot concentrate. I hear the tiniest of noises which drive me crazy. I feel crazy. Hell, I probably AM crazy. I feel as if I need validation that something is off. And I feel guilty for feeling all these things, thinking I can help it if I just look at the bright side of things. Nothing is really wrong. I just feel mad. God help Alan, I have been the biggest bitch lately, prone to temper trantrums and stomping off in the middle of conversations. It's not healthy. He's says he's been through this before with me and will continue to be by my side but I still feel horrible. I hide in my bedroom downstairs just to be alone because I am afraid of the way I will react to the tiniest little things. It's hard walking on eggshells because of yourself.

So we went to the mountains. It was really fun. I don't know why but I didn't even think about how, duh, it gets cold there, so I neglected to bring any sweaters. But other than that faux pas it was very enjoyable. I went fishing and caught a trout. Together we caught about 20lbs of fish which we had smoked and then ate. It was delish except for the little bones which made me gag and then made me afraid to eat anymore of said trout. The weather was really rainy and overcast up there. I have to say I'm a beach person more than a mountain person. I just felt "off' being there, like I wasn't in my element.

PS - there were supposed to be pictures with this blog but blogger keeps effing up. So screw it. Pictures later.

My new Rolling Stone magazine came in the mail on Saturday.

First of all, I LURVE me some Rolling Stone magazine. It introduces me to music I wouldn't normally know about because I live in North Carolina where they don't play anything interesting on the radio except on 88.1 the college station. The photography, especially the cover, is amazing. They report on interesting subjects and thought provoking interviews. It offers me unique, though often far left, political views.

However, I was very irritated when I saw that on the cover of the Rolling Stone this month was Barack Obama.

Okay.

Whether or not I am a fan of Barack or if I dislike him is not the point. The point is I subscribe to Rolling Stone because it is mainly a music magazine. If I wanted to subscribe to a mainly political magazine I would have. I chose not to. Really it just miffs me because I get so excited to see who's going to be on the cover every month and this was a big let down.

I suppose it could have been worse. It could have been McCain. Or Hillary. Both are considerably less attractive thank Barack.

AND - Off subject sort of: One of the anouncers on one of the radio shows I listen to pronounces it Bay-Rack O'Bamma (like Alabama). I'm on to him. I know he mispronounces it to show disrespect. Jerk.

Back on track with the subject now: You know what? I opened the magazine and there are really interesting articles in there this month, one featuring amazing photography on Bonnaroo. (I previously thought Bonnaroo was a festival about Bono from U2, wow, I'm a tard.) So I guess I'm not that annoyed. Wait, yes I am. I can't make up my mind.

What do you think?