Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Back in North-Cack-A-Lacky
I walked in the door and instantly started a slow but steady sob that turned into a 5 minute cryfest. When will I ever get over that? I am always so meloncholy on my day back to Raleigh from Tulsa. It's a sadness that burns in my heart and suffocates me with sadness, knowing that this (raleigh) is now my home.
And it's not as if I don't love it here. I love Raleigh. I have great friends, a good job, a wonderful husband, loving in-laws....it's just never home to me. But it is. It is home now. This is where I have grown up in my later 20's. We bought a house here, got married here, etc. It should "feel" as if it's home. But it doesn't. It always feels like it's not forever, mainly because I don't want it to be forever.
I miss my real home.
I resisted the urge to go straight to bed with a bottle of Nyquil and sleep off my sadness. (now I am thinking, how lame is that? Nyquil, really? Surely I would have something better to ease the pain?!? but no). Instead I unpacked and cleaned up my room a bit. All while sobbing, just thinking of being back in Tulsa and how much I miss it already.
I am grateful that tomorrow at work I will have a busy day with lots of catching up to do. Julie starts tomorrow and I will be showing her the ropes, so we'll be busy all day. That will keep my mind off the sadness.
I did get to make peace with my Father this time around. I had lunch with him and everything was good. I also got to see Kyle, my brother who I never really got to grow up with because of our tumultuous childhood. Kyle is doing really well. Still doing the carnival thing, although I was advised not to call him a carnie. In a strange way, I envy his choice of life. Always on the move, hard, physical labor, interesting characters...but that type of life would never be for me. As it turns out, it works perfect for him. He is very happy, and that makes me happy.
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