Monday, January 21, 2008
Something You May Never Understand
I am not a martyr, sometimes when I cry it is not for me, but for you.
I think only of my place in life and how it intertwines and tangles with yours.
Let's be clear that no one ever said I wasn't selfish but sometimes this pain is not mine to bear, but yours. You own it and afflict it most times unknowingly upon me. Sometimes I suffer in silence and other times I cry out loud. My temperment is so that my pain lashes out in the form of anger and bitterness, and oh yes, I'll make you hurt too. It makes my personality hurt, for this is not the real me. This is the little girl inside that never learned to cope in a healthy way, but only to get her way and break everyone down who stands in her way.
I'm stronger than you, I'm more vibrant and I'm certainly more vocal about my needs. I've been called brash, blunt, bossy and even a bitch with good intentions, these things I will admit to. But understand it's part of my personality and something that I can work on toning down but will never go away. We can talk, I can take medicine to help with the depression, but underneath all the jokes, laughing and smiles I am still the little broken person trying to sweep up her shattered pieces.
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