Miss Priss Does a Blog

Gigglesaurus

2009-11-10T14:35:00.000-08:00

New Blog!

2008-09-09T16:28:00.001-07:00

I am not going to be posting here much longer. I've not been very happy with blogger.

Here is the link to my new blog: http://missprissdoesablog.wordpress.com/
When I can figure it out I'll move everything over to the new site. Until then, please replace your links to my blog (if you have one)

As soon as I have more time I'll be designing it and adding more items too it. Especially a blogroll! So, my friends, I have not forgot about you and are still catching up on all your blogs.

Hope everyone is well. If you need me in the meantime just email me!

Going Through my Mind..

2008-09-02T15:12:00.001-07:00

What the hell is happening?

Suddenly my usually close knit group of friends has turned into a skit of a teenage drama. Something out of The Hills, but even more rediculous. All we do is talk about who said what about someone else who got mad and then got drunk who stayed up until 5 am who slept at so and so's house and are they dating now and what do you think about that?

While it's not fair to state that for every single one of my friends but the majority of us are stuck in this sick little gossip group and I'm certainly as guilty as anyone else.

Then again...maybe it's just me.

But no...

I know I'm not the only person who has made this observation.

It's making me ill.

And I certainly do not want to provoke any feelings of annoyance towards myself. I'm only being honest. I'm acknowledging a situation and working towards avoiding a blow up which I feel is looming espcially with my feelings as of late towards a certain newcomber that shall remain nameless.

I also do not want to appear ungreatful because I love my group of friends and how close we all are. Just, well, something is very off right now.

I find myself forcing myself to do certain things: Stay up later than I want to, have a few drinks too many, smoke a cigarette...all in the name of having a good time. It's all me, I know. It's my choice to do these things and actions. Lately I am starting to feel childish though. It's just not as fun.

I mean, you would think that a group of 24-26 year olf men would know better than to stay up until 3 am drinking on a Thursday night. Then repeat that, over and over again.

When does it end, when do we grow up? Will this be going on until we are 35, 40? I can't handle it. I'm ready for something more. Something more meaningful.

Again, I am NOT saying anything disrespectful to any of my friends. I love all of you and what we all have together is priceless. I wouldn't change it for the world. All I am questioning is the meaning of it all and also I'd like to know if anyone else is as tired of the same old, same old, like I am.

Excuse the Mess..

2008-08-27T14:29:00.000-07:00

I'm trying to revamp my page.

Oh, and the layout is by http://shelsscraps.blogspot.com/

The Andrea is Mightier than the Sword

2008-08-26T15:50:00.000-07:00

WoW. And that's all I am going to say about this:

http://www.visionforum.com/hottopics/blogs/dwp/2008/08/4251.aspx
(you'll have to copy/paste, I can't figure out how to attach a link on stupid blogger)

This was not written in the 1950's. It was written this year. It frightens me.

Don't ask how I found this. Let's just say I've been doing some research for a writing project I might be persuing.

Discuss.

Think Once, Think Twice, Think Andrea

2008-08-25T14:46:00.000-07:00

There aren't many, but here they are:

Highlights of my Monday:

My computer at work finally got fixed. So I can now work again...that's nice.

I got my swimsuit, goggles and swim cap in. I proceeded to put the swim cap and goggles on and make Alan laugh.

I made it through the day without an iced coffee and managed not to have withdrawls.

A situation at work was diverted and now I can breathe.

**Okay, so below is one of those silly little things that I normally don't do but I have nothing better to write about so this is all you get from me today.

IF I WERE AN ANIMAL - I'd be a bird because I'd love to fly and birds are unusual and quirky creatures.

IF I WERE A MOVIE - I'd be Clueless. Because it's the only movie I actually quote lines from and as cheesy as it is, I love that movie so much!

IF I WERE A FOOD - I'd be an orange. Juice me!

IF I WERE A TV CHARACTER - I'd be Joan Holloway from Mad Men.

IF I WERE A PIECE OF CLOTHING - I'd be a scarf. Multi purpose and so very feminine.

IF I WERE A DAY OF THE WEEK - I'd be Saturday morning when the world is yours.

IF I WERE A HOLIDAY - I'd be Halloween.

IF I WERE A PIECE OF FURNITURE - I'd be a secretary. No, seriously, I've always wanted an old fashioned secretary.

IF I WERE A COLOR - I'd be a sparkle!

IF I WERE A U.S. CITY - I'd be Tulsa. It's home. Always.

Best Birthday Ever!

2008-08-24T14:34:00.000-07:00

I have to brag on my friends and co-workers. I had an AMAZING 27th birthday.

At work on Friday we went to lunch at my favorite NC Mexican Restaurant, El Rodeo. Pretty much everyone in the office went, plus Suzanne and Reuben, who I used to work with. At lunch they presented me with a gift card to go to Jolie, a salon at Cameron Village in Raleigh. I get a facial, manicure and pedicure. I'll probably book it for next weekend. I've never gotten a facial before so I'm super excited. Then, after lunch, they surprised me with a margarita cake from Blue Moon Bakery. This cake was amazing - it tasted just like a margarita but not in a weird way, if that makes sense.

Friday night we went to Garner Ale House and had drinks. I enjoyed many, many vodka tonics and a red headed slut. Beautiful.

Saturday Jessica M. and I went to the Smithfield Outlet Mall and shopped all day. I got two pairs of Nine West shoes and a purse.

In the meantime, Alan, John Z, and Julie had been cooking up semi surprise party plans all day. When Jessica M. and I got back into town they took me over to The Z's and they had decorated the place all pretty and girly and there was a butterfly cupcake cake and Holy Smokes bbq. It was so sweet and nice! We had an awesome party. We played Circle of Death and Quarters with Potent Potable (hawaiian punch, vodka and grape koolaid). Oh, and there were jello shots! So all of my favorite things.

All that was missing was my Mom, Tammy, Jamie and Michelle G, who all of course live in Tulsa and were regrettably unable to attend on such short notice. :)

It was a great birthday and I can't believe everyone made such a big deal out of it. It really meant a lot and I feel totally spoiled.

Oh, and I got the first season of Mad Men for my birthday, so we're watching it tonight.

Tori, Billy, Alanis and Falling in Love

2008-08-20T15:11:00.000-07:00

I got my birthday present from my Mom today. It was exactly what I wanted! What did I want, you ask? I wanted perfume. I'm such a girly girl!

It smells really soft and pretty. I also like it because no one else wears it. (Insert inside joke "You can't smell like me!")

I am so sick of my music selection. I want to subscribe to BMG or Columbia and get like 12 new CD's. Do they even do that anymore? I remember doing that as a little kid and having Mom and Dad get irritated because they got stuck with the bill, tee-hee.

Anyway...

Because I am so sick of my music selection and I'm trying to NOT listen to talk radio at the moment I've pulled out a lot of old CD's. Today was Tori Amos. Man, I used to really zone out to Tori. In 11th grade (1998) my friend Summer let me borrow her Tori Amos - Under the Pink album. I had never even heard of her. But when I got home from school I promptly went into my room, shut the door, and cranked up Tori. What I heard was unlike anything I'd ever heard before and I wore that album OUT! I would sit and listen to it over and over again and make up stories to the lyrics and write poetry. I think I kept the CD for a month before buying my own.

Wellllll....Tori doesn't quite tickle me anymore. Have you had that moment yet? Where you are like seriously questioning your taste in music when you re-listen to an artist or album? I was making all sorts of faces and thinking "Oh my God, how did I listen to this over and over again?!?" It's a wonder I didn't slice my wrists.

Smashing Pumpkins was another band I listened to over and over again, holed up in my bedroom, while writing poetry. I still like them though and I don't care what anyone says. Oh, and Alanis!

I wonder why I don't write poetry anymore? I guess I'm just not as full of angst. Plus I have to be really really sad and in great emotional turmoil to write good poetry. Right now things are pretty even flow. I think I used to write a lot of poetry in hopes of figuring myself out or even in an attempt to put pieces together to see where I was broke inside. 10 years later and a lot of growing up my pieces are pretty much back together and while I don't think I'll ever really know who I am, I have a pretty good idea.

I can't think of a clever title

2008-08-18T15:49:00.000-07:00

I found a couple ants in my kitchen. Not the end of the world, but enough for me to say ewww! I shall proceed to douse kitchen with chemicals to kill said ants. Dinner will NOT be served all week. (ha, as if I ever cook anyway)

So, I have a friend who doesn't wear socks except for sometimes in the winter. Her shoes get really smelly. They almost smell like fritos when she takes off her shoes. What should I tell me friend to do to extend the life of her shoes and keep her feet smelling nice and clean? Besides wearing socks which she absolutely will not do.

>:)

I'm thinking of making myself go on a self imposed political news ban for a week. I am obsessed with the political race even though I dislike both candidates and have no real interest in electing either one of them. Don't worry, I will vote...yea, yea, yea it's so important to vote, your voice counts, blah-blah-blah, and I always have, but I am becoming bitter. Not listening or reading or watching the news for a week would be a huge challenge for me because I'm so tuned in. I wake up to news, I read news throughout the day, I listen to the news and commentaries on the radio when driving home, etc.

Haha, I ordered the nerdiest un-chic swim suit EV-AH yesterday. I'm joining the Rex Hospital Wellness Zone so I can swim. So of course I had to order my gear. It's going to be so weird swimming again! I was going to join a competitive swim team but when I called about it they said it was best to be in competition shape, and since I am so obviously not, I thought it best to shape up before even going down that road.

I had the best time!

2008-08-16T11:50:00.001-07:00

Last night really took me back. We went to sing kareoke at Garner Ale House. I haven't done that since I lived in Tulsa! I even sang Madonna's Get Into the Groove in honor of Madonna's 50th birthday. It really made me miss Tammy and Jamie because we used to go sing every Saturday night at The Depot on 71st Street. Awww, those were the days!

Speaking of 50...my Mom is turning 50 in a month. I'm really excited for her. You know, being half of 100 is a big, big deal. Right, Mom? (I'm so going to get in trouble).

Oh and I turn 27 next week. Wowee! I promised myself I would never call myself old, and I'm sticking to it.

Mom always said if you're going to lie about your age lie and say you are older. So if you asked me how old I was and I said 40, you would be like damn, you look good! Unless it backfires on you and they're like, yea, you look about that age. Then said person dies.

Musings

2008-08-14T16:59:00.001-07:00

Is it possible to get tired of chocolate? Even for a day or two? I was thinking about this today because I will never refuse chocolate but today I almost did. It felt, well, wrong.

I heard something on the radio today: I think they were talking about Edwards and they said something to the effect of the American people just weren't expecting some one to do something like that, that it was shocking and they really thought he was someone else. I thought "there's the problem". Expect the worst in people, especially politicians. It is totally acceptable to fuck up. It is not acceptable to not face the consequences.

I got accused of doing something today that I didn't do. It upset me just because it was unfair. It has since been cleared up but then this evening I did the exact same thing to someone else before checking my facts. I was so heated and upset I drilled full force into this person. Ironic?

For the first weekend in way too many weekends I have nothing planned.

After thinking that I have a problem making friends with girls I realized it's not me. It's the girls I am meeting. Some of them are still stuck in high school mentality and I'm not. We don't click, I'm moving on. Simple.

I had a fun day at work today and even got a lot of work done even though Julie and I had a popcorn party in my office and sang "This is How We Do It" by Montel Jordan. Proving once again good friends can work together.

I'm Behind

2008-08-13T14:58:00.001-07:00

Thanks to our good friend John Z. I've been watching a lot of "Oz" lately. At first I thought the show was stupid but then I got sucked in. It's a little far fetched at times and you are guaranteed to see at least one penis per episode but all in all it's a male dominated super drama (soap opera).

Oh and I have the wierdest crush on Christopher Meloni! I always have wierd movie star/artist crushes. Let's see: Pauly Shore, Chevy Chase, David Lee Roth, etc. I mean I'm not really into any of them now, but in the past those have been odd crushes.

I'm always a little behind when it comes to TV and movies. I'll watch a movie that's been out for ten years. Like I watched American Beauty last year then went around proclaiming it's greatness and asking others "Have you seen it yet?!?". I'm greeted with groans and rolling of eyes and people saying "Geez, Andrea, ya been living under a rock?".

That's just how I do it. How I roll. Whatever.

So today it's rained pretty much all day. Big deal, right? Well it's big news around here. In fact I had pretty much ruled out the chance of any rain today after the weather women and men on wral talked about it for two days before hand. Every time they do that the weather is almost always going to do the opposite of what the predict. But this time they were right.

Today was the LONGEST. DAY. EVER.

One really good thing about not smoking that I've noticed is that I smell good! I can smell my perfume and my hair. Oh and another thing is that I haven't used a salt shaker in weeks! I don't have to add salt to my food to taste it anymore. Also, I had a real Coke today and it was so yummy.

Snafu

2008-08-12T17:19:00.000-07:00

We got our Wake County Vehicle Tax notice in the mail. Pretty standard annual paperwork.

I'm reading it...

2008 Dodge.

Turns out that we don't have a Dodge. Hmm? Come again?

2005 Ford F150? Check. 2008 Volkswagen Rabbit? Check. 2008 Dodge, negative.

Let me check the driveway - yep, nothing there.

Now I am thinking surely they are not showing us as owner of a 2008 Dodge Caliber, could they be? Because we only "owned" that car for 3 days. We took it back to the dealership. I'm sure this is going to be a hassle to take care of. Ech.

So yesterday was our first anniversary!! We went out to eat at what I like to call "The Brazilian Meat Factory" which is actually a Brazilian Steakhouse. Man it was so yummy! I swear I could just go and eat the salad bar: Heart of palm, smoked salmon, shrimp, stuffed peppers, marinated mushrooms...Nom nom nom. So we really enjoyed dinner. Then we came home and enjoyed each others company. :)

Good day. Brazilian meat sticks.

Smoke Free 1 Week!

2008-08-08T17:11:00.001-07:00

I am so proud of myself! It's been really, really hard, but I did it. I made it a week. And I feel like bragging. I've had a couple of melt downs. One on Tuesday at the Notary Public course. I was really bored and once I started thinking about having a smoke that was all I could think about.

But today was the worst. I'm having a party tomorrow night and my house was in such disarray I started panicking. Then I started cleaning and I got even more hyper-irritable. It just felt like once I got started on cleaning the more work there was to do and I started hypervenhilating almost! Isn't that silly? Anway, the only thing I could think of to calm me down was of course, a smoke. I was so close to running to the store to grab a pack but I stopped. I thought "It's not worth it, I worked so hard all week on not smoking, I can't throw it away". So I had a Fresca instead. And I'll be honest. I wish the Fresca were a Marlboro Light. But ya know, it served it's purpose. I made it through.

I think tomorrow night will be really hard. When I drink I of course smoke and I can't do that anymore. I can't be a "social" smoker. I'm either on or off one way or the other one hundred percent. I don't want to make this a big deal, but I really am an addict. It's the worst!

Scared isn’t the right word

2008-08-06T14:59:00.000-07:00

This is an article my friend Lynnette posted on her blog and I wanted to repost it. As you all know or may not know it is of my own very strong opinion that women have the right to choose and it's a right that I base my votes on.

It is also my opinion that abstinance only sex education is one of the most feeble minded, gullible ideas ever. Teenagers are going to have sex. They have been having sex since the beginning of time. Don't tell them they cannot or should not have sex because "it's the wrong thing to do". Tell them that the choice is up to them, then give them information and educational materials on how to prevent pregnancy and STD's! It's so simple! America is so primative and prude about something that simply human nature!!

Okay, I'll get off my soap box. Read the article, tell me what you think, even if you don't agree. And remember, opinions are like assholes...

Thoughts? Opinions? Share!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!

Why McCain should worry women

By Robyn E. Blumner, Times Columnist
Published

Sen. John McCain wants people to know that he is a true conservative. The right flank of his party, particularly blowhards like Rush Limbaugh, want to paint McCain as a closet pinko because he only has an 82 percent rating with the American Conservative Union. But McCain insists that his conservative credentials speak for themselves.

Believe him. They do.

What scares me most about McCain, beyond our 100-year presence in Iraq, his itchy trigger finger relative to other foes, and his enthusiasm for tax cuts for the rich, is his fiercely conservative record on women's reproductive freedom. Here, there is no moderate McCain or reach-across-the-aisle McCain. On issues related to abortion and even birth control and sex education, McCain is as ideological as any Operation Rescue activist crawling around in front of an abortion clinic.

You want to know what's coming with a McCain presidency? How about the overturning of Roe vs. Wade. I'm not kidding. The latest case to reach the U.S. Supreme Court ..ion made it clear that the two newest justices, John Roberts and Samuel Alito, will vote for substantial incursions into abortion rights, if not their outright elimination. It turns out that Roe isn't a "super-duper" precedent after all. It's now hanging by the thread of 87-year-old Justice John Paul Stevens' continued vitality.

The next president will be the decider on whether women's emancipation from the slavery of the womb will continue in this country. We are on the cusp of losing the right to control our bodies and determine our family size. McCain promises as much.

Due to McCain's reputation as a maverick, many voters seem to attach more moderate abortion views to him. In Florida's primary, for example, 45 percent of those Republicans who said abortion should be legal voted for McCain. Whereas the prochoice Rudy Giuliani won over only 19 percent of the prochoice Republican vote.

But McCain's voting record is solidly antichoice. He said directly in South Carolina that Roe "should be overturned" and strongly reiterates that position on his campaign Web site. He told the American Conservative Union that one of the three most important goals that he wants to achieve as president is to promote "a nation of traditional values that protects the rights of the unborn."

In accordance with these views, McCain promises to "nominate strict constructionist judges," which is code for "will overturn Roe if given half a chance."

McCain also supports the global gag rule - probably the most backward foreign policy initiative since the importation of slaves. This is the policy that bars foreign family planning organizations from receiving U.S. funds if the group in any way advises clients ..ion as an option or advocates for legal abortion - even when using their own funds. We know that population control and family planning is the only way for Third World nations to advance, yet the United States and its antiabortion zealots have put a foot on the neck of the most effective groups.

An intelligent person might think that someone as rabidly antiabortion as McCain would be backing approaches to prevent unwanted pregnancies, thereby, ipso facto, fewer abortions. Well, think again.

McCain is an antagonist of sensible family planning and effective sex education. In 2005, he voted "no" on a $100-million allocation for preventive health care services targeted at reducing unintended pregnancies, particularly teen pregnancies. In 2006, he voted against funding for comprehensive, medically accurate sex education for teens.

McCain is much more comfortable with President Bush's wasteful and utterly ineffective abstinence-only approach.

The New York Times Web site reported the following exchange with a reporter in Iowa in March 2007:

Q: "What about grants for sex education in the United States? Should they include instructions about using contraceptives? Or should it be Bush's policy, which is just abstinence?"

McCain: (Long pause) "Ahhh. I think I support the president's policy."

Q: "So no contraception, no counseling on contraception. Just abstinence. Do you think contraceptives help stop the spread of HIV?"

McCain: (Long pause) "You've stumped me."

Do you really have to say such idiotic things to win the Republican nomination? It is an incontrovertible fact that the use of a condom will help interfere with HIV transmission. But I guess McCain sees it as a fact too liberal to acknowledge. Jeesh.

Now that the senator from Arizona has locked up the Republican nomination, he may be spending less time asserting his conservative bona fides and more time focusing on his occasional bipartisanship. This appeal will help to blur his record. Yet any voter who worries about government dictating to women what they can do with their bodies needs to understand the danger that McCain poses. Roe can't survive another president like Bush, and McCain is promising to be just like him.

Boring!

2008-08-05T14:43:00.000-07:00

I had Notary Public class today in Durham. Wow - it really brought back memories of going to Tulsa Community College.

It's just so hard for me to focus my attention on one thing at a time. Sitting through that class was really difficult for me. But I did well and I am proud of myself. First of all I had never really been to Durham other than driving through it on I-40, neverless DOWNTOWN Durham. I used to be so scared to drive places I didn't know. I used to get lost all the time (okay, I still do) but I am getting better at this and not letting my fears get the best of me.

Oh, and I passed the test with a 90%. My next step is to get sworn in downtown once I get my appointment.

Nothing really funny happened today so I can't be funny in this blog. It just was generally a very, very boring, long day.

M-Ville for Real, Ya'll

2008-08-02T05:54:00.000-07:00

Off to Mooresville for the weekend! I washed my car and vaccumed it out because this will be Dieter's first big trip. Yes, I named my car Dieter as in "Sprockets" from Saturday Night Live. I felt it was appropriate being that my car is German and Nerdy Chic.

The batman came yesterday and put the netting up to get rid of the bats in my attic. Yay!

Our wedding anniversary is on the 11th. Any ideas on what to get Alan? I think your first year you're supposed to get something paper like. I don't know, I don't really understand all of that.

Anyway, hope everyone has a great weekend!

Hot. Deer. Hand. Batman, oh my!

2008-07-28T16:58:00.001-07:00

It's hot again. The heat rises up off of the dark asphalt like wavy gravy lines and I get thirsty just walking out from the building through the parking lot to my car. And it's only like ten feet. That hot.

Today I saw a deer in the woods. Doe, a deer, a female dear. She was calm as a Hindu cow (because Hindu dear don't exsist I suppose) and I tested my boundaries by seeing how close I could get. She ducked her head, I ducked mine too. Glancing at me sideways I did the same right back at her. I was having a Bill Dance Outdoors kind of moment smack dab in the middle of the work day. It was nice. Except I started thinking, aren't deer supposed to be super afraid of humans? Not this one. Creepy. Or maybe just acclimated to us dirty humans mucking up her playground. I don't know. To be honest with you dear creep me out. Almost as much as horses, but that's another story another day.

My right hand started freaking out last week. It all started when I noticed I couldn't type very well or write. My already hard to read script is now tiny and I have a problem in particular writing 8's or 'y's. I also have a shake going on, a bad shake. I'm also dropping things right and left. I meant to call the doctor today but I got so busy, so I will call tomorrow. I'm hoping for the best and not the worst.

This weekend I saw the Batman movie. I knew it was a good movie when I only had to get up to pee one time and I didn't even want to go. You see, I'm not a very good movie watcher. I get bored after 45 minutes and I get impatient to see the ending. This movie was so entertaining and I felt like it lived up to the hype.

F.U. (you know, Follow Up?)

2008-07-22T16:19:00.000-07:00

Following up on the LIST:

I did very well today. I had an insanely chaotic work day today and I did not lose it or get all hyper. I remained cool and in control of myself. I had one of those days where I was so busy all day but nothing really got done. Ever had one of those?

I didn't gossip. I was a little sarcastic, but it was all in good fun..not mean spirited. I kept it real. I kept it positive. As a result I felt good.

I looked into joining Raleigh Area Masters swim team and it's good! It's only $45.00 a month and $35.00 a year for dues. We can swing that. Now I'm looking for suits, swim caps and goggles. Oh, it makes me excited because it makes me think of high school swim team!! I'll probably have the perma stench of chlorine on me like back in the day. Yesss.

This is just a short blog because I'm off to paint my piggies. I'm thinking I'm Not a Waitress Red or Cha-Ching Cherry by OPI. Which, by the way, is supreme. For me, there is no other nail polish better than OPI, they just can't even compete.

List-full

2008-07-21T15:19:00.001-07:00

I have to make some changes to be a better Andrea. Here they are, in no particular order, right off the top of my head:

Work:

Stop being so angry/cynical which leads to mean sarcasm which in turn some people think is funny. But negativity is negativity, no matter which way you slice it and it's making me ill.
"Simma Down Now!" on the gossip. We all do it, it's human nature. But as Thumper said "If you can't say anything nice don't say it at all". I'm going to try applying that more often than not.
No more beating myself up. I'm learning a new position that I landed with little training (it was the situation, no one's fault). It's only natural that I should make mistakes which leads me to number 4....
Stop taking it personally! It's work. Not life.
Pay attention more and listen. This is a big one. I have serious A.D.D. issues that keep me from hearing complete sentences. Most the time I already think I know what you've said by the time you get out three words. And the problem is that I'm reacting on those three words, not the complete sentence, ie, jumping to conclusions which makes me take it personally.

Home Life:

Start back on a 15 minute clean schedule a day. This is from www.flylady.net which my Mom made me try for a week. It's simple: Set a timer for 15 minutes. Hit up the hot spots in your house like the kitchen, living room, etc. and clean, uninterupted for 15 minutes. You'd be amazed at how much you can get done and if you can't get it all done in 15 minutes that's okay. You always have tomorrow.
Have more patience with Alan and others which are house guests.
Spend more time upstairs with others. Ever since I was a teenager I've always wanted to be in my bedroom alone. Like I've said before, I tend to prefer solitude and ever since I was a little girl my bedroom has always been my sanctuary. But I'm missing out on a lot by cutting myself out of other peoples life.
Go out more! Yes, that's what I typed. I stay in to much and as a result I'm losing friends left and right because I never feel like doing anything.
Try and cook something at least one time a week. It's not fair that Alan has to do all the cooking.

Mind/Body:

Start working out again. I talked to Alan about this last night and told him how much I miss swimming. So I'm going to look into joining a masters team in town. I'm going to look tonight and I am so excited!!
Positive meditation: Think good thoughts and relax for ten minutes at least every other day.
Cut down on soda and un-whole foods. No diet soda, soda in strict moderation, lots of water, veggies, fruit, etc.
Continue to get good sleep. With my depression it really throws me out of wack when my sleep schedule is interupted.
Stop doing injecting heroin. Okay, I'm kidding on that one. HA.

There's my self improvement list. While it's true I can't do much about being depressed there are things I have power over: the way I treat myself, my body, my loved ones and my home. I think honestly working on these items will make me feel better. We'll see!

Village Idiots.

2008-07-18T15:05:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had one of those days where you woke up and just knew that it wasn't going to be a "fun" day? That sinking feeling in your stomach, the rush to get up and go-go even though you would rather pull your covers over your head but you just have to get up and grin and bear it. How about having that feeling 4 days in a row? Welcome to my work week. It has been really...um, how should I say this nicely and politically correctly so that I don't get rebuffed....uhhh, well, interesting. It all came to a head today. It's a really long and really stupid story but it basically amounts to the "higher ups" or as I like to call them, "village idiots" in the office who refuse to be adults and make big boy decisions. It's completely frustrating. I tried so very hard not to let it get to me but after 4 days of non-stop b.s. I snapped today. I vented to one of our principals when he called today all excited for the days events. Surprisingly he completly understood and actually helped out and took charge. I really appreciated this persons help today and while I already had a deep respect for him I have even more after today. Yay for office heroes!

I've felt a sinus infection coming on all week and because I've been so stressed I've put the sickness off or better yet, ignored it. But after today I can feel my body caving in and I'm feeling worse. Right and time for the weekend, ding ding ding!

It's not all doom and gloom: I love the fact that when it pours outside I can drive my car and not get soaking wet (my old car leaked). So that's good. Let me see, what else...I don't have to go to work tomorrow, that's a big plus. There is a party tomorrow night one of Alan's work friends house, that'll be cool. We'll probably eat take out tonight like every Friday night and I love take out. I got my Nylon magazine in the mail. I'm reading a really good book that I can't wait to possibly finish tonight and the house is semi clean, just needs a little retouching and we'll be good to go.

Diluted Gatorade

2008-07-16T14:41:00.000-07:00

Wow, I haven't written in a long time. I guess I've felt like I have nothing important to say.
Well, that, and I've been really busy with work and when I get home I don't want to be on the computer.

Here are a couple things going on in my life:

I got a new car! Yay, I am so glad this chapter of my life is over with! I got a 2008 Volkswagen Rabbit. It's 4 doors and silver and I love it. I always wanted a non-American car that was not a Honda or Toyota (ie, BMW or Mercedes) so this is halfway to my goal. What I like most, and what I've noticed most, is that the gears shift very quickly and you can feel it. Not like a jarring motion, but I guess you can say you just feel the power. It's quite zippy and not a Mom-mobile, which is what I wanted to avoid even though it will be a Mom-mobile, in the future, God willing. Not that there is anything wrong with Mom-mobiles, but it's not my style. That's me: Stylish, yes. Practical, not always. Deal.
We're getting ready to do an office move at work. It is a mess. It's been the source of much frustration and irritation lately. That's all I can say.

I was going to go to Wrightsville Beach this weekend but now it looks like the weather is not going to cooperate. Damn! Oh well, maybe next weekend.

Alan's getting a laptop computer for work. This is great mainly because he'll be able to be home at more normal times and we'll get to eat dinner together. Right now he works pretty much every day from 8am - 8pm. It's hard on him but it's also hard on us as a couple.
My Mom is coming for a visit in October. Yes, I know, it's a little ways away, but that's okay. It's good to have something to look forward to!

I think that's about all for now. Hope everyone is well and I'm taking applications for muses so I can write more interesting things in the future.

Craziness, Mountains and Trout

2008-07-09T15:43:00.000-07:00

Lately I've been feeling like a quiet riot is going on inside my mind. I cannot concentrate. I hear the tiniest of noises which drive me crazy. I feel crazy. Hell, I probably AM crazy. I feel as if I need validation that something is off. And I feel guilty for feeling all these things, thinking I can help it if I just look at the bright side of things. Nothing is really wrong. I just feel mad. God help Alan, I have been the biggest bitch lately, prone to temper trantrums and stomping off in the middle of conversations. It's not healthy. He's says he's been through this before with me and will continue to be by my side but I still feel horrible. I hide in my bedroom downstairs just to be alone because I am afraid of the way I will react to the tiniest little things. It's hard walking on eggshells because of yourself.

So we went to the mountains. It was really fun. I don't know why but I didn't even think about how, duh, it gets cold there, so I neglected to bring any sweaters. But other than that faux pas it was very enjoyable. I went fishing and caught a trout. Together we caught about 20lbs of fish which we had smoked and then ate. It was delish except for the little bones which made me gag and then made me afraid to eat anymore of said trout. The weather was really rainy and overcast up there. I have to say I'm a beach person more than a mountain person. I just felt "off' being there, like I wasn't in my element.

PS - there were supposed to be pictures with this blog but blogger keeps effing up. So screw it. Pictures later.

On the Cover of the Rolling Stone

2008-07-01T16:26:00.001-07:00

My new Rolling Stone magazine came in the mail on Saturday.

First of all, I LURVE me some Rolling Stone magazine. It introduces me to music I wouldn't normally know about because I live in North Carolina where they don't play anything interesting on the radio except on 88.1 the college station. The photography, especially the cover, is amazing. They report on interesting subjects and thought provoking interviews. It offers me unique, though often far left, political views.

However, I was very irritated when I saw that on the cover of the Rolling Stone this month was Barack Obama.

Okay.

Whether or not I am a fan of Barack or if I dislike him is not the point. The point is I subscribe to Rolling Stone because it is mainly a music magazine. If I wanted to subscribe to a mainly political magazine I would have. I chose not to. Really it just miffs me because I get so excited to see who's going to be on the cover every month and this was a big let down.

I suppose it could have been worse. It could have been McCain. Or Hillary. Both are considerably less attractive thank Barack.

AND - Off subject sort of: One of the anouncers on one of the radio shows I listen to pronounces it Bay-Rack O'Bamma (like Alabama). I'm on to him. I know he mispronounces it to show disrespect. Jerk.

Back on track with the subject now: You know what? I opened the magazine and there are really interesting articles in there this month, one featuring amazing photography on Bonnaroo. (I previously thought Bonnaroo was a festival about Bono from U2, wow, I'm a tard.) So I guess I'm not that annoyed. Wait, yes I am. I can't make up my mind.

What do you think?

It's BAACCCK!!

2008-06-29T14:50:00.003-07:00

"We're having depression!", I thought on my way home today. Like an unwanted and unwelcome dinner guest it sits at the head of my modge podge of a table and pushes my the friends away. He makes me feel as if I can concentrate on nothing else. Like a needy child, all my attention is on him. It brings me down. It makes me experience all moods in extremes. Nothing is level, nothing is sane. It's so much, I want (I NEED) him to leave...to vacate the premises. But like the weather there is little you can do and control. You have to wait for it to pass by and hope it's not a bad one.

Every time I experience depression I am always scared that it will be like the depression I experienced in my early 20's and it really frightens me. I was so bad back then, so unhealthy. I really couldn't handle it again. I always have a back up plan in my mind, "Okay, if this lasts longer than 3 days I am going to the doctor, I will get help" but luckily these depressions as of late have been really short. 3 days at the most. Just at the time I am ready to get help it goes away. I know I should probably talk to someone (professionally) but I just can't bring myself to do it. I've gone through this my whole life, I don't think I'd be the same without it. It's part of me. It's disgusting and raw and mean and angry, but it's me. I do want to fix it but I'm scared.

I cried, I sobbed, for 2 hours straight today. Over what? Many reasons I could think of but none of them legit. It's just me being me. That's the most frustrating thing about depression - there is no why. Nothing to point a finger at and certainly no one to blame.
All I can do is pretend I am okay and get better soon.

PS - if you read this and I see you on a daily basis I do not want to talk about it.

Marc Jacobs Brings a Tear to My Eye

2008-06-27T15:03:00.000-07:00

Isn't it funny how smells will take you back and make you reminisce?

I bought a new *old* perfume today: Marc Jacobs original perfume.

Sephora describes it as "Notes: Gardenia, Wild Muguet, Skin Musk, Cedar, Ginger. Style: A blend that is lush and watery at once." It's such a summery scent and it reminds me of when Tammy and I first moved into our first apartment. Open World Garden Apartments on 61st and Lewis in Tulsa. Oh man those were some good times! We had just turned 21 and would go out all the time. Every Saturday night was the same. Around 7pm we'd start "getting ready" and by 9pm and 12 outfits later we'd be heading out the door to The Depot which is a local Tulsa bar. We'd sing karaoke and drink beer and close the bar down, stop at Taco Bell on the way home and then go home and pass out. Just as every Saturday night was the same, so was every Sunday. We'd have Hangover Sunday which consisted of us going to our parents house to do laundry all day and then eat dinner with them. Good times. But my point was during that whole time I wore that perfume and now I am wearing it again and it just makes me feel that time all over again! It's great!

Mother Nature is Rad

2008-06-26T15:19:00.000-07:00

I have a request for Mother Nature and it goes a little something like this, "Dear Mother Nature, or God if you wish to be called as I mean no defense, do you think you could turn the heat down a little bit? Granted you're perfect and everything happens for a reason, I am just feeling really gross and suffocated in this weather. It's just really unpleasant and I know myself and others are not enjoying in. Shouldn't we be out, basking in your glorious makings, frolicking in the sun and skipping around in the grass? Yea, well that's not happening. Why? It's too fucking hot!!!"

If only I were in Cancun. I could deal with being hot in Cancun. Hot in Raleigh? Yea, not so fabulous.

In other news did you hear about what went down in the Supreme Court today? Pretty radical. Read about it here because I don't want to make this blog all about this topic. Being a constitutionalist but not a huge fan of guns I am conflicted about this. What do you think?

So it looks like I'm going to "the mountains" for the 4th of July holiday. At first I was like "Eww, camping and fishing? NOT." But then I found out we would be staying in an air conditioned condo and then I was like "Allllrrrriiiigght, I can handle that". BONUS - I've never been to the mountains. Well, only once when I drove through them with Tammy on our way from Tulsa to Raleigh. So I am quite excited. Apparently there will be some fishing involved which pretty much means, to me, that I will be throwing my hook and line into trees, bushes, other fishers, innocent bystanders, or if it actually makes it into the water I will be catching logs and rocks. Statistically speaking that is.

This Blog is Boring, just a warning.

2008-06-24T15:23:00.000-07:00

I feel like I need a hobby other than drinking every weekend and taking lots of pictures of myself and friends doing just that. I know that sounds horrible, but that's basically what I do every weekend. No, it's not all day every day, but it's definetely something we do every weekend. I do enjoy having everyone over and talking though - I don't want that to go away.

Sewing - I suppose I could try again, but last time it was very frustrating.

Knitting? Yea, I could try that. (again)

Painting? Yes, I could definetely get into that.

Oh here is one: Re-doing my kitchen. I've been talking about it for a year but have yet to act on it. So I'm setting a date here and now to remove the wallpaper. Not this weekend, but next. This weekend I have Jen & Cory's housewarming party, Phil's birthday and Alicia's baby shower. It's going to be a fun weekend! So yea, weekend after next.

I've been reading a lot lately. I've been going through about a book a week. I haven't been watching TV at all. I only turn it .. I go to bed for the noise. I may try and ween myself off of that too. Not that I'm trying to be all high and mighty about not watching TV, I just noticed I haven't been tuning in and I'm really not missing it. Although I am wasting a lot of time on the internet, but that's my guilty pleasure.

I feel pretty content and at ease today. Even at work. It's getting a little easier to multi-task and get into the groove of my new position. I like the fact that I am very needed in my position and that I am challenged mentally every day by the tasks I do. The challenging part is the accounting, which is actually very interesting. I do like it! Of course I do have help and I really, REALLY, appreciate it. I can't wait until Julie comes back from vacation next week so we can really develop her professionally. This girl is really going to take off, I can just feel it.

Guess that's all now. I did warn you after all that this was kind of a boring blog.

What, you think I'm here to entertain you or something?

Batbatbatbatties!

2008-06-23T15:01:00.000-07:00

We have new roomates. They live in the attic and they look like this:

You can learn more about The Little Brown Bat here.

Apparently they've been squatting in our attic for months, under our radar. Yesterday when I asked Alan to put something in the attic he quickly came back down and shut the hatch very quickly and said "Oh. My. God." And when I asked him what it was he says "Oh no, you don't want to know!" so I finally got him to tell me that there were indeed 20-50 bats sleeping in the attic. Nice. So today we had a wild life specialist come out to remove them but guess what? Not only have they been living rent free in my house, they have been busy procreating and since baby bats can't fend for themselves they cannot be removed until August. Bats are federally protected on a conservation status so to eliminate them from homes they place a screen up that the bats can fly out of but not back into the home. Since there are babies, the parents would leave and die. We can't have that happen now, can we?

So until August we have these special visitors. Don't worry if you come over to the house, they cannot get into the house. The attic is taped up and the chimney is secure. Plus, they want to stay up there anyway.

I am not that freaked out about it. 1.) There is not anything I can do about it, 2.) It's a myth that bats carry rabies more than any other ferral animal and 3.) My facsination with wildlife and ugly unwanted animals prevents me from wanting to harm or freak out. (except for bugs).

El Busho F'd Up My Commute!

2008-06-20T15:18:00.001-07:00

Guess who's visiting Raleigh today? El Busho. As in President Bush. I really wouldn't be so concerned or even interested in this event except for one very big reason. The Bushwacker totally fucked me over on my drive home. I-40 was closed. The Beltline was closed. The side roads were completely full and cram packed of idiots trying to find an alternate way home. What kind of asshole gets highways closed for him on a Friday afternoon at rush hour? What the hell? Couldn't he have just took a helicopter from the airport to the event site? And this wasn't even an important visit. It was for Charlotte Mayor Pat McCrory's campaign. Private event at some Raleigh big wig's home.

Here's a tip. When trying to gain support for election perhaps you would want a president that people actually approve of.

Whatevs. I cannot wait until we get another President in the White House. Unless it's McCain in which case I think we may as well keep Bush in office. I know, I know, they say McCain is a liberal republican and very different than Bush, but do you know what that means to me? Bullshit. Complete horse crap.

Can you see why I don't talk politics that much anymore? Because I will have a nervous breakdown it's something I am so passionate about! So I tend to keep it quiet to myself these days but when someone messes with my already hellish commute home from work, it's fair game I'll say.

*********************************************************
I had planned on cleaning house tonight but the whole El Busho thing pissed me off so that I simply can't imagine hobnobbing around the house tonight making it clean. Besides, the boys need to help me. Yes, I said boys, as in plural. Alan and John (his brother). John is a welcome addition to the house. I adore my brother in law and he's just so sweet and mellow. We'll see what his attitude is when I ask him to pitch in around the house though. I refuse to be either one of those boys mothers, I'll tell you that right now.

In other news, I worked A LOT this week. It was very challenging. Which is good. I'm even going to do some leg work this weekend on some catering I have to arrange for some meetings simply because I do not have enough time to do it next week.

There is a wedding this weekend! Robyn and Justin are getting married. I am so excited! I love weddings. Good times, people are happy, energy is good, you always leave with a smile on your face.

2008-06-18T15:06:00.000-07:00

Today I learned that it's all but impossible to catch up on a weeks worth of work in one day. Yup. Not going to happen,

Julie's first day was today and she did great! She's going to be a great fit into our little team. I'm very excited and happy to be working with one of my best friends.

This weekend we have a wedding to go to. I got a new dress, and that's really why I am so excited about going. So I can dress up. There, I said it. I'm honest, what can I say?

I got several compliments on my green eyeshadow today. It's by Two Faced Cosmetics. I was skeptical at first of trying their products but now I am confident in their performance. I've only tried the eyeshadow though. I may be primed to by more now, as if I need any more makeup in my bag-o-tricks.

So I'm convinced that since we have a dog living with us now (Alan's brothers Dog, Otto) that I should be allowed to have one too. And I want a miniature dachshund. A red one. Just like Mom's dog, Minnie, which is my default picture. I love their floppy silky ears and sleek hair. I want I want I want!!

I turned in my paperwork to get a replacement title on my car when I was in OK. I hope it doesn't take too long to get here and that there are no problems. I want a new car so bad! I've been driving the Sunfire since 2002.

I want to convince Alan to the Planters Peanut guy for Halloween. I just think it would be so funny. Yes, I'm already thinking of Halloween. This years party will be even better than last years!

How much cleavage is appropriate for work? I am asking because everything I own shows a bit. And I cannot tolerate wearing tank tops underneath in the summer days. People are just going to have to deal with it. I mean, it's not like an ass crack to where people giggle and smirk. Really, people just stare and I don't really care. They are boobs. And I'm not showing a great amount of them, just a smidge. I can't help that if all the plus sized clothes I have to buy show them off. So there.

Back in North-Cack-A-Lacky

2008-06-17T14:52:00.001-07:00

I am home.

I walked in the door and instantly started a slow but steady sob that turned into a 5 minute cryfest. When will I ever get over that? I am always so meloncholy on my day back to Raleigh from Tulsa. It's a sadness that burns in my heart and suffocates me with sadness, knowing that this (raleigh) is now my home.

And it's not as if I don't love it here. I love Raleigh. I have great friends, a good job, a wonderful husband, loving in-laws....it's just never home to me. But it is. It is home now. This is where I have grown up in my later 20's. We bought a house here, got married here, etc. It should "feel" as if it's home. But it doesn't. It always feels like it's not forever, mainly because I don't want it to be forever.

I miss my real home.

I resisted the urge to go straight to bed with a bottle of Nyquil and sleep off my sadness. (now I am thinking, how lame is that? Nyquil, really? Surely I would have something better to ease the pain?!? but no). Instead I unpacked and cleaned up my room a bit. All while sobbing, just thinking of being back in Tulsa and how much I miss it already.

I am grateful that tomorrow at work I will have a busy day with lots of catching up to do. Julie starts tomorrow and I will be showing her the ropes, so we'll be busy all day. That will keep my mind off the sadness.

I did get to make peace with my Father this time around. I had lunch with him and everything was good. I also got to see Kyle, my brother who I never really got to grow up with because of our tumultuous childhood. Kyle is doing really well. Still doing the carnival thing, although I was advised not to call him a carnie. In a strange way, I envy his choice of life. Always on the move, hard, physical labor, interesting characters...but that type of life would never be for me. As it turns out, it works perfect for him. He is very happy, and that makes me happy.

Mmm hmmm

2008-06-13T16:55:00.000-07:00

So here I am again, in Tulsa. Words can't express how good it feels to be at home. Unless you've been away and come back with open arms I don't think you can understand what "home" really means. I love it here. Yet there are so many conflicts in my mind when here. It's confusing as I'm so happy in my life in NC, and almost feel guilty for being so happy so far away from my Mom.

My mother and I have a very close, very intense love for each other. We've both been there for each other through very hard times.

At Mimi's the other morning we cracked up for 30 minutes at a rude noise the ketchup bottle was making. As soon as we would stop, I would make the noise again, and there we would go again, laughing until we are in stitches. You don't get that with a lot of people. I can name them here: Mom, Tammy, Michelle, Jamie and Lynnette. That I have that sort of relationship with my Mom is priceless.

I've been praying for a thunderstorm since I got here and I think we are getting ready to have a mini one. Something must be very wrong for me to wish for severe weather, but I'm just being honest. In another, secret life I want to be one of those storm chasers. Mother nature amazes me, it's rapture and wrath. Just that you have no control over a bad storm is the turn on with me - I think. Maybe I am just wierd.

I have gotten to eat Taco Bueno. I found a papertown/paper napkin in my beef crunchy potato burrito and it kind of turned me off. So I've only had Taco Bueno once since I got here where normally I would have already had it 5 times. My colon thanks me.

I just got off the phone with Alan and everything is going well in NC. My good friend Michelle Z. is in the hospital getting ready to give birth to her second son! I am so excited but sad I'm not going to be there for it. I cannot wait to meet the new family member.

It's really hard typing on a laptop, so I'm ending here, but I'll write later. And I will have lots of pictures to post when I get back!

2008-06-06T14:53:00.000-07:00

I'm addicted to

You know, the cheap little flavor pops that come in the plastic tubes? Yes, I love them. It's pretty much my "thing" right now. I like to take one out of the freezer, run it under hot water for a few seconds and then enjoy. You read that right, I like them partially melted. Yum! I even made a dreaded trip to hell, I mean Walmart, to stock up. This is serious.

In other news: It's HOT. I don't care for it. My house, which is a split level gets pretty warm upstairs even with the AC running. Right now the AC is set on 77 and it's 80 degrees upstairs and it will not cool down. 80 degrees is tolerable when you're just lazing around but when you are trying to clean house it's a bit toasty. I should be thankful though. My bedroom is downstairs and it's much cooler down there. And hey, at least we have AC!

I had planned on going to the beach this weekend but have now decided against it. I just feel like the trip down there in my car with no AC then laying on the beach all day in 100 degree weather then driving back home might prove to be a bit much. So I'm not really sure what I'll be up to this weekend. I need to get a dress for a wedding I'll be going to the weekend after my Tulsa trip.

Speaking of my Tulsa trip - I'll be home on Wednesday! I'm so excited!!

Anyway, hope everyone has a great weekend.

No More Frankenwagon

2008-06-05T14:15:00.000-07:00

Big Bummer Alert:

We are returning the Dodge Caliber. The short of the long is that first of all, Alan and I should have done more research before purchasing, and second of all, I should have made sure to have the title on my Sunfire because guess what? You cannot trade a car in with no title. So because we had no trade in value, and no down payment the loan was going to be off the hook high. We could finance it of course, but it wouldn't be a good thing financial thing to do. So really the best thing to do is return the car and try again later this month when we have the title to my Sunfire and a down payment to go along with it.

I go home on Wednesday and I can take care of the title issue then.

I let myself be all upset angry and bitchy about it last night and now I have a new attitude about the whole thing. I was also feeling embarrased thinking of having to tell all my friends and co-workers about what happened, but now I don't really care. They won't judge me, we've all made little mistakes like this. I figure the only thing that was going to make the situation bearable would be to have a good attitude about it and not freak out and realize it's not the end of the world. Because it's not the end of the world. It was a mistake, and now we have learned a lesson. I'm okay with that.

I am however a little miffed that this week, of course, we will be having record high temps for June in Raleigh. And of course, as I noted before, THE F*CKING SUNFIRE DOES NOT HAVE AC.

Awesome.

The Frankenwagon

2008-06-01T10:44:00.001-07:00

I got a new car! No more A/C broke, front window shattered, expired Oklahoma tags from '04, drivers door leaks when it rains Pontiac Sunfire! I had really good luck from my Sunfire. It was 2003 when I bought it and for the 2 years following I loved it. It was my little red ladybug. Then the A/C broke and I lost all respect for the car. It was all down hill from there. I also had amazing luck with the tags. I moved to NC in 2004 and I never got my tags switched. Yes, that's right. For the past 4 years I have been driving around with expired tags and dodging cops cars left and right. It's a wonder of God I never ever got pulled over and I feel like I can brag about it now. :) Tee-hee.

My new car is a 2008 Dodge Caliber. I test drove and looked at Toyota Matrix, Pontiac Vibe and Nissan Versa. They were all so small! It was like driving the Sunfire only with 4 doors. I really wanted a hatchback/wagon/almost crossover vehicle and not a sedan and certainly not an SUV. The whole point of me getting a new car was to prepare for one day having some kiddos, and you need a lot of room for that. The new Dodge, which I have nicknamed the Frankenwagon, gets just as much gas mileage as my Sunfire does and has a lot of cool perks. Like power windows and locks, satellite radio, kick ass stereo system, a huge truck and of course, A/C!! And it's silver, which is one of the colors I wanted. I'm lovin' it.

Here is a picture of the car I got:

My Carbon Footprint is Bigger Than Yours!

2008-05-30T15:22:00.000-07:00

Do you know what term I cannot take anymore? "Green".

What was once a name of a color, described as the color of grass, leaves, celery, brocoli, kool-aid, etc. has now become a commercial term that is being shoved into our heads on a daily basis. It's an advertisers and marketers wet dream. Anything from personal hygiene products, sheets, cleaners, laundry soap and foods (don't get me started on organic) are now being re-produced and labeled "green".

Environmental friendly, eco friendly.

Let's call it what it really is. Common sense.

Hello! Welcome to 2008. It currently costs $3.95 per gallon for gas. It is expected to rise. Now would not be the best time to buy a gas guzzling SUV hitch a trailor to it and joyride around town. Does that make sense to you? And if you do decide to buy a SUV, which is certainly your personal, God given right to do so, then I don't want to hear you bitching about the price of gas! You knew what you were getting into, you have choices. Deal with it. I do. I know that even if gas goes up to $10.00 a gallon I will have to pay it. And so will you unless you decide to either walk, take public transportation, work closer to home, or join a cult and live in the field of Idaho some where. Which is actually where I think we are heading. I think people are SICK of complications. I think people, groups of people are slowly but surely joining together and finding a simpler, more pure way of doing things. There's a huge movement of people who are striving to live with less, to get by with less. And I think that's a good thing. Us human beings are incredibly adaptable. We're also incredibly gullible and like any other creature partially ruled by emotions we're passionate and impatient.

Buying $8.00 toilet bowl cleaner labeled "green" is not going to solve it. Get over yourself and quit being pretentious.

I guarantee you the world will continue to spin, carbon laden footprints and all.

GGBW-Part 3

2008-05-28T15:14:00.000-07:00

Let's talk foundation.

I don't have to tell you that mineral makeup is a HUGE trend right now. I really like mineral makeup but prefer to wear it in the summer. It seems to stay put through perspiration which I do a lot of in the summer months. It also doesn't irritate my skin and it's so easy to match mineral makeup because it's so light. That being said - not all mineral makeup is created equally! I had been using Bare Minerals for 2 years when I decided that $25.00 for foundation was more than I was willing to spend. So I tried out Physician's Formula and Maybelline's mineral makeups. At first I was pleased, and then not so much now. It may have something to do with the colors I picked out, but they just didn't seem to melt into my skin like Bare Minerals. They got streaky throughout the day and tended to go on cakey. So back to Bare Minerals I will go. That isn't to say that other mineral brands won't work for you. My friend Lynnette uses Maybelline's Mineral Power after I suggested it to her and she loves it.

Since I'm out of Bare Minerals for the moment I've been using liquid foundation. When you pick a liquid foundation out make sure to do a color test. Don't just assume that the color on the bottle will work for you because it "looks" like your skin color. I like to try a dab on my cheek and also on my jaw line. If it blends in, you have a match. If it doesn't, please, for the love of God, move on until you find the right color. There is nothing worse to a makeup snob (me) than seeing an orange mask on a beautiful girls face and then a different colored neck. Makes me cringe. You may as well go foundationless. Which I do a couple times a week. If you find that your liquid foundation is too thick, cut it down with some moisturizer - OR - apply it to just the spots you need, like under your eyes, your chin, etc. Less is more! You want to see your real skin shine through.

Like a Queen!

2008-05-27T15:17:00.001-07:00

I have been eating like the Queen that I am the last few days. I've been craving fresh, raw foods with little or no processing. I've made a new delectable treat. I take goat cheese and a slice of tomato with sea salt and fresh pepper sprinkled on it and slap it on a piece of whole wheat toast. Mmm, so yummy! Also good on the sandwich is avocado, which I've also been really into.

*Oops, I was just interupted by my fabulous husband who does the grocery shopping. I do the laundry, he does the grocery shopping, He just came home and, AND, he brought home steaks for dinner! But I've already ate, so we'll have them tomorrow. Aw man, I feel bad for eating dinner already.*

I started training for my new position this week. It's going really well so far. I had forgotten how much I did while Suzanne was on maternity leave, so I am feeling a lot better about taking on the position. Or not better, just more confident that I can do it and do it well. Later on this week we'll take on billing which is my main learning experience. I'm keeping a positive attitude that it will go well.

Later on this week I'll post some more beauty blogs. I've been too wrapped up in life to write something with an objective, so I will try and concentrate more later.

Kit-Kat and Skittles

2008-05-24T18:20:00.001-07:00

To my bestest friend, forever:

Today you told me that you're getting married, that you are engaged. This makes me so happy for you. We have been through so much, growing up together. Many joys, disapointments, discoveries, crushes, broken hearts, carelessness, invincibility, recklessness, worries, crisis, living together, being broke together, learning life together, we've shared every emotion there is to share. Every step you have been with me along the way, holding my hand, and me holding yours. You are so much more than a best friend to me, you are my family, and a sister.

It's not about you getting engaged to be married. To me, it's about you finding someone to love and be with you forever, someone to complete you and take care of you and love you for YOU - the wonderful and unique person that you are. That's why it means so much to me that you've found that person. Now we can share that together too.

You'll always be my Kit-Kat and I'll be your Skittles.

P.S. KKD forever!

Work, Books and a Mild Weekend Forcasted

2008-05-24T06:26:00.000-07:00

I love the fact that when I woke up this morning at 8:58am, late for me these days, it was cloudy. Seriously, I do love that. I love cloudy mornings, especially those that I can sleep in at my leisure. It's actually going to clear out for the rest of the day for all you sun lovers (me included).

Yesterday was Reuben's last official day at work. It's sad because I'm not going to have him around to harass and be ultra smart ass to, but I think John (my new boss) is going to be equally fun. On top of that my other favorite co-worker, Suzanne, is leaving next Friday. (Note to self to work more on personal hygiene, ie, bathing, so my co-workers don't rapidly leave as has been the trend). On a positive note, I was offered Suzanne's position as Office Manager so I got a job promotion by default! I'm going to miss Suzanne's mild manner and ultra sweet disposition but I am very excited about this opportunity and the weath of experience I am about to gain. The next week will be insane for me at work as I am going to attempt to learn everything I need to know about her job in 4 days.

Enough about work.

This weekend is going to be awesome! I have nothing planned and I have the house to myself. Listen, I love my hubby but I haven't had a weekend away from him in forever and I am excited about it! I don't care who you are or what type of relationship you have with your significant other it's totally healthy to want a few days apart. I relish in the fact that I don't have to go anywhere or do anything if I don't want to. I probably will though. I think Julie is up to something tonight, but I'm not sure. Either way I see sushi and reading in my afternoon. :)

Speaking of reading I have been really into Phillipa Gregory lately. She wrote The Other Boleyn Girl. I devoured that book! Come to find out see has a whole series of Tudor novels and also another series. So I'm now reading The Queen's Fool and am enjoying it.

Also, I have new Elle, Nylon and Rolling Stone magazines to catch up on. God, I love pop culture!

Panic Attack

2008-05-21T15:53:00.000-07:00

**Forgive the rambling - I am super tense**

Wow. What a day I had! I have lots of changes and exciting yet scary things getting ready to happen in my professional life that I would love to blog about but don't feel right doing so just yet. Anyway, today at lunch with Julie my thoughts, worries and anxieties hit me like a ton of bricks. I'm having lunch with Jules and I realize I am talking a million words a minute, my heart is thumping violently in my chest and my hands are shaking. Then my lips started to get numb and I realized I was starting tunnel vision. I rushed out to my car and fidgeted around with the radio, messed with my hair, put some lip-gloss on, tried to breathe, you know...all very important, vital things. I thought okay, get it together, you have to go to Lowes to get fucking lightbulbs for work, and get back and arrange travel for co-workers and look into licensing for CO, CA and FL, oh, also order supplies, call the lawyer...and whoa, that was it. I started crying and drove off to Lowes. I purchased the stupid lightbulbs and went back to work and once I got there I was totally petrified to be back. I basically froze. Just totally scared. And I thought, how fucking embarrasing! I'm at work! I am here the majority of my time! Everything is familiar, it's safe here, people like and care about you here, CALM DOWN. But I couldn't. I wasn't in control of myself. I eventually went into Suzanne's office, closed the door, lay on the floor and tried to slow my breath and steady my heart. Suzanne was so sweet, she's such a great friend, she talked me down and eventually I came to my senses and calmed down.

It's horrible...I hold these things in and don't worry about them and then they come rushing back to me at the most inopportune time. Fortunately life has been really good to me for the past year and a half and I haven't had to experience panic attacks. I used to have them 2-3 times a month and it was such a horrible time for both me and those who cared about me. While I'd like to think positively, this could be a re-occuring thing for me of which I need to be prepared.
I'm not depressed, I am simply amped up and hyper feeling. But yet at 8:30 at night I am dead tired from being "on" all day and I just konk out.

So I'll continue to work on how I handle stress. It's not fair to those I love the most because only they get to see the real me and I've found myself snapping a lot lately.

GGBW-Part 2!

2008-05-20T15:08:00.000-07:00

If you've been reading my blogs a while I may repeat some of my favorite body products. If so, please forgive me. Rest assured that if I mention them twice, they are doubly worth trying out. Again, the focus is on items you can buy at the drugstore/Target/Walmart.

I've split this blog into two subjects because it should be simple and there is just not too much I can say about body washes and lotions.

Here we go!!

Body Wash: I just don't know what I would do without this body wash!

Johnson and Johnson's Extra Care 24 Hour Moisture Wash. $4.98 at Wal-Mart. Totally worth $10.00 in my opinion. It smells nice and light and it really does seem to last 24 hours! I have pretty dry skin and it really soothes it. It also works as a shave lotion. I've also used the other J&J Body Wash Products and was just as happy about those, especially the Melt Away Stress line.

Exfoliater: I like to make my own. Olive oil and sugar to create a thick paste and I apply to dry skin then hop in the shower. However, I would not recommend using this too often unless you have a really cute plumber that you want coming over to your home a lot. It clogs up the drains. It also makes the tub slippery per Alan. I warned you, so if you try it don't blame me should any mishaps happen. :) There are plenty brands on the market and none of them stick out any more than the others. If you have suggestions, share! I'd love to hear.

Body Lotion: There are a few I use. I do like to switch it up, you know.

Body Lotion #1: This one matches my body wash:

Johnson and Johnson Extra Care Lotion. Light, yet it super saturates your skin with moisture and smells so pretty and clean!

Body Lotion #2: - I love to use this one in the winter. It's got a yummy sandlewood vanilla scent.

Oil of Olay Quench. I can also, with confidence, recommend Olay's self tanner products although they are second to L'oreal in my book.

Footsies!! I put foot lotion on everynight before bed and then put socks on to let it really soak in. For about a year now I've been using Vaseline Intensive Rescue's Intensive Rescue Healing Foot Cream. It has AHAs (alphahydroxy acid) in the ingrediants. It basically eats off all the dead skin that makes your feet all rough and callousy. Ew. (BTW -I am really squeamish about feet, especially mens feet which I have a particular aversion to).

This stuff works great! And it's non-scented, which is nice sometimes. I've also used this Brands handcream and surprisingly I actually do not like it. It's really runny.

Well that's all for now. I think it's "Gonna come a toad floater!" at my house. This means it's going to rain and storm big time. I want to post this blog before I potentially lose power.

Girly Girl Bonanza Week

2008-05-19T14:56:00.001-07:00

Welcome to Miss Priss's Girly-Girl Bonanza week. My friend Anna suggested I post some skincare and makeup tips for her. I am totally overflowing with this type of knowledge as it's a passion for me (for whatever reason) so I'd love to share. You'll also find that I'm pretty thrifty when it comes to my products. I know not everyone has or even wants to spend mucho bucks on being beautiful and feeling good.

Facial Skincare 101:

Rule #1 - DO NOT, do not, go to bed with your makeup on! I don't care if you are wearing Bare Minerals Makeup and the informercial tells you that you can. Take of your makeup before going to bed. Even if you don't wear makeup you should wash your face before bed. Think about it - all that sweat, bacteria, grime, dirt, just marinates on your skin all day and by 9pm your epidermis is begging for a breather. Do the right thing. Wash.

Cleansers: What kind of cleanser should you use? Miss Priss approves of all GENTLE face washes. While I feel that cleaning your face is very important, I honestly don't see or feel a lot of difference between cleansing products. I am also not a big fan of expensive or wrinkle reducing or acne reducing cleansers. I mean, you just wash them down the sink, right? Why spend $15 plus on something going down the drain? I am currently using an Aveeno cleanser which is super mild. I think it was $6.00 or so and it'll last a long time. Also, I really think it makes a difference to let the cleanser sit on your face for 10 seconds before washing off. It works for me, may not work for you. I have used so many different cleansers and none of them stick out more than the other so I'll just recommend brands: Oil of Olay, L'Oreal, Dove, Philosophy ($$ on that one), and Cetaphil.

This is what you need to take eyemakeup off. OIL FREE!!!

ALMAY® Oil Free Eye Makeup Remover Pads

Perfect and light, they take all the eyemakeup off, no residue left behind, non-stinging and they even tackle waterproof eyemakeup.

Rule #2 - Even though your Mary Kay or Clinique representative may disagree, you may not need a toner (gasp!). I don't use one. Most of them all are more than %50 alcohol and that is harsh, harsh, harsh on skin!!

Rule #3 - Don't go overboard with the exfoliation! 2-3 times a week is plenty in my opinion. I like St. Ives apricot scrub or St. Ives Olive Oil Scrub.

Rule #4 - VERY IMPORTANT! Keep your skin soft and supple. Moisturize! It's simple and it feels good. This is one area I will tell you to splurge in and spend more money. I am whole heartedly devoted to this as my evening moisturizer .

Philosophy's Hope in a Jar for Normal skin. I swear, this has made the biggest difference in my skin, which is normally dry. I have been using it for 4 years now and every time I stray I break out or notice dry patches on my skin. This gives me a perfect, rosy glow. Like I said, it is a little expensive, but a dab will do you, and to me, because I save money by using drug store cleansers and exfoliaters, it's a worthwhile splurge. You can purchase this item at Department Stores, Sephora or online at http://www.philosophy.com/.

I use a lighter moisturizer during the day with a sunscreen. Yes, sunscreen is very important. Hasn't that been beaten into your pretty little head enough by now?!? I want to have skin like my Mother's when I get older, and she's pretty pale (no offense, Mom) and avoids the sun, so sunscreen is how I plan on doing it. Right now I am using L'oreal Sublime Glow for Face in Medium.

It has a sunscreen in it, plus self tanner so it gives me a sun kissed glow without the sun damage. Yay. I'm also a fan of Oil of Olay's Complete All Day UV Moisture Lotion - Normal.

Well that wraps it up for today. Tomorrow I will showcase some of my favorite Body Skin Care tips.

P.S. - Pick up Allure magazine this month. It lists the readers choice "best of" BOTH department and drug store beauty products. You might get some ideas!

See You Next Tuesday

2008-05-13T16:02:00.000-07:00

One of the smartest, yet simplest thing I've ever heard was "There's no accounting for taste". It's so true.

My freaking keyboard is running out of juice. Batteries that is. It's wireless and driving me f*cking ape sh*t right now with the amount of lag between what my fingers type and what appears on the screen. I simply cannot go on this way! I cannot write because I am so annyoyed! I am having thoughts of shaking or throwing the damn keyboard it's pissing me off so. Oh and guess what? We have no batteries.

Attempt at domestication number 232: I made dinner tonight. Some taco bake that includes Mac and Cheese, ground beef, taco seasoning, cheese and salsa and you, of course, bake it. I picked it because it seemed like it was going to be easy. Well it wasn't. It involved too many steps and too many dishes. It's baking right now, and unless it's OH my GOD fabulous, I'm never making it again. I don't really enjoy cooking. It takes too long, makes too much of a mess, and then it's just gone.

Today was my friend Reuben's birthday. Yay for him. Suzanne and I took him out for a fabulous Mexican lunch and topped it off with a stop off at the Fractured Prune which is a custom Donut Shoppe. They serve hot donuts with your choice of toppings or you can choose one of their premade topping choices. I got a dreamsicle donut, Reuben and Suzie got a Reese's donut. It was so delicious!! It's a bad thing that I know that place is there now.

I know my prose is short and cranky. Well, I am short tempered and cranky right now. My computer is irritating the hell out of me. Hell hath no fury like me and inanimate objects, particularily those of techical nature.

So I'm leaving it at that.

2008-05-12T14:51:00.000-07:00

So, as I told you I will be trying some new things out on my blog this week. As most always, I do hope to make you laugh.

Therefore, I would like to introduce you to a weekly installment called "Materialist Monday" where I shamelessly admit that while I strive not to be, I am a materialistic entity and I daydream and aspire to possess many worldly goods.

I've always wanted to be one of those people who can handle mini-Tupperware. Do you know what I am talking about? The Tupperware that looks like film containers or specimen containers. Tupperware prescribes the politically incorrect label of "Midget" containers to describe them. So if you were being politically correct I suppose you would refer to them as "Little Person" containers.

I've always been envious of those people who bring their lunch to work with a small container that holds peanut butter or ranch dressing. I was jealous at how content they appeared to be to drizzle their single serving of oil and vinegar on their salad. How delicate they looked dipping their baby carrots into the petite container of salad dressing. How fine it must be...to be one of those people.

If I had little people Tupperware I would surely lose it. I can't even keep track of big people Tupperware as it is. I cram them half hazardly into the cabinets praying every time I open the door they don't fly out and give me a concussion. My husband comes and re-arranges them ones a month and tsk tsks me a week later when they are a mess again. See, those types of things bother normal people. Not me.

Lots of Blog Changes

2008-05-08T16:00:00.000-07:00

I have lots of fun and exciting ideas to spice up my blog. I hope to brainstorm some more this weekend and roll it out next week.

This weekend we are heading to Mooresville to hang out with Alan's Family for Mother's Day. Which means...

We get to take the train! Yes. I am very excited about taking the Amtrak to Kannapolis. I can't help it. I grew up in Oklahoma. We don't have Amtrak in Tulsa. I guess they figure we can all ride around on our horses more effectively. (enter sarcasm)

Suggestions?

2008-05-06T17:30:00.000-07:00

Hey friends!

I would like your help. I am wanting to make my blog more streamlined and to have more of a purpose or organization. So what I'd like to do is take your suggestions on subject. My friend Michelle does something on her blog on Wednesday called "Works for me Wednesday" and I'd like to work off of that idea, to where I had a different subject theme for every day of the week, or at least a few days of the week.

I love to write and I feel like this will be a sort of writing exercise that will help me improve my skills.

So let me know what you think! Be as silly or funny as you want. I love to hear from you all.

The Lesson of the Day

2008-05-02T16:02:00.000-07:00

Today at work one of the guys brought their little girl in. She's a beautiful, fun little girl with a lot of energy and I was trying to entertain her. This little girl was quietly sitting on my lap at my desk while we looked at myspace and facebook pictures. I was pointing out my friends, my cats, family, etc when all the sudden I thought "Wow, she's really warm....." and like a lightbulb I realized...

SHE PEED ON ME!

So I quickly and yet, calmly, got her off of my lap and walked her over to her little sitting area and sat her down. At that point her dad was done with what he was doing so I told him that she had had a little accident. I really, really felt for this guy and put myself in his shoes. I could tell he was embarrassed and I just didn't have the heart to tell him that his daughter had peed on me. I just let it go.

Really, it's just kind of funny.

All in all, I felt like I learned an important lesson that will serve me the rest of my life: Someone urinating on your leg is not the end of the world.

A Savage Journey

2008-05-01T15:43:00.001-07:00

On the way home the thoughts and worries sneak up on me. I am plagued with the what if's and wish I wouldn't haves. Things I would say if I had the chance, if I had the guts or the bravery. The shame and the cowardness waltz in. It's a sad, sad affair and all but hopeless if I let myself believe my doubts. I just need to get it all out, to talk to him, but I can't. I'm waiting for the infamous right time. I'll set a date in my mind and that date will pass and I'll set another. It's not too late to set it right. I feel like I'm too emotional about the whole matter as of right now and if I do try and speak to him I'll just end up crying. Then, when crying, I will get angry and decide to take it out on him, to make him feel the pain too. This is how I always end up looking like an immature, condescending brat upon confrontation. I've thought about writing letters but I know he doesn't like to read and would probably have someone else read it for him and that makes my stomach turn ill, to think she would read it.

On the way home today I also thought about a few other things like what to get Mom for Mother's Day, what to get Alan's Mom for Mother's Day, Amtrak tickets to Kannapolis, my upcoming trip to Tulsa which is now June 11-17th, Alan's birthday, John's Birthday, lawn maintenance, gutter maintenance, the cost of hiring a housecleaning service for once a month and a variety of other items.

God - I am tired! It snuck up on me today.

I am reading a really disturbing yet very entertaining book that Reuben's wife was kind enough to let me borrow. It is called Cruddy - by Lynda Barry. The book has a way of working itself into my dreams and since this book is like a female written Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, let's just say, I have not been sleeping well.

Madonna and Music

2008-04-30T15:29:00.001-07:00

Yes, I got her new CD, Hard Candy, today! The photography on the CD is awesome. I like how Madonna is all almost naked but she doesn't have one of those stupid orange day glo tans going on. She's just beautiful in her pale glory. The music? Well, let's just say I had hoped for more. If you like Timbaland you'll love this CD. It's really overproduced/processed (more than normal). I hate that I feel that way because I love love love Madonna, but this isn't her best work. It is lots of fun, possible good work out music and bob your head to music. Maybe I just need to listen to it a couple more days before writing it off.

Speaking of music - I pretty much dislike every one of the top ten songs that are playing on the radio right now. Is this a sign of getting old or just good taste, or possibly both? I much more enjoy the college station we have here in Raleigh which plays kind of a cacophony of indy artists. Plus, you don't have to hear the same 10 songs played over and over all day.

Mopping-Makeup-BBQ-Sleep

2008-04-29T15:52:00.001-07:00

I had suspected it, but today I found out it was true. A regular mop cleans much better than a Swiffer. I know, I know, imagine MY shock!

Something I read today that makes so much sense: If you wear mineral makeup but feel like you may want more coverage or a dewy finish, mix the minerals with your favorite moisturizer and apply. I plan on trying it tomorrow. We'll see how it goes.

I like NC style BBQ better than TX or OK style and it's all because of the lack of sweet tomato based sauce and the abundance of vinegar and spices. Nomnomnomnom.

I hope I sleep better tonight than last night. Alan kept waking me up every few hours snoring. That sucks. As an idealistic child, I wanted two things and two things only in a husband. 1.) That he have a simple last name and 2.) That he didn't snore. Yea well, that didn't work out so well. Ha!

Andrea on Politics

2008-04-28T15:15:00.000-07:00

I've been told several times lately that I am sounding more and more like a Republican. I resent that statement and I'll tell you why. It makes me feel old. When I was 18 and working at Aon Risk Services I was a hardcore Democrat and very idealistic about everything. A co-worker sneered at my George W. Bush money picture and told me "Just wait til you turn 25 - you'll be Republican. I was just like you when I was young."

Idealistic no more...more or less, cynical and very weary of government infringing on my rights as a human being.

I do not feel that my political beliefs can be summarized by affiliating myself to one party. I do care very much about this nation and, as a citizen, have a great deal invested in the future of this country.

I am no more Republican that I am Democrat, I'll tell you that. I reject what I don't like from both parties, and take what I do like from both parties all the same.

Just a few Pro's:
Pro Choice
Border Control
Freedom of Speech
Love (as in Gay Marriage)
Drugs - as in, legalize it already.

Anti:
Universal Healthcare
Religion in Schools
War (this one is very specific, as if you are interested)
TAXES - what a joke! The IRS gets to borrow $7000.00 a year from us and pay it back annually with NO INTEREST OCCURED TO ME?!?! WTF. Not fair.

So as you can see, I have many different conflicting beliefs that would not allow me to claim one party over the other. It has been suggested that perhaps I should claim Liberatarian - but in my mind, what's the point? I'm certainly not jumping on the wobbly Ron Paul wagon.

I guess, all in all, it's that you believe in something, and that you have some idea of what you believe in that matters.

The "ehhh-st" Week Ever!

2008-04-25T16:20:00.001-07:00

Yay! I made it through another week! Every Monday I wake up and think "Oh God..another 5 day work week, I'm so not going to make it!" and it was especially bad this week with my sinuses acting up and not feeling good. But I made it. Trust me, with this week, it's was an accomplishment.

I had the best Sushi ever with my friend Jessy this week. It was at a place called Waraji. The atmosphere and service was top of the line. We had the cutest, funniest waitress! They also have the little booths you sit in on the floor with your shoes off. I had a Crunchy Roll and a Philly Salmon Roll and it was so delicious. A little pricy but sooo worth it. And it was good company. It's so nice to have a BFAW - Best Friend at Work. Jessy and I get along so well and we have similar senses of humour, so we just giggle and giggle all day. Which I'm sure is annoying to our co-workers, but oh well.

My foot is doing really well too! I got all through Thursday and realized, hey, I hadn't had to take any ibuprofen at all! And that's really good. Although I may have over done it yesterday walking around without the brace because I was hurting really bad this morning.

I WILL BE IN TULSA JUNE 18-24th! I am so excited! I'll buy my tickets tonight or tomorrow, but I already got approved for time off at work. I definetely have to see Tammy & Shawn, Jamie/Kendall/Rylee/Nita and Nita's new addition, Reese! I love, love, love going home and lurrvvveee eating Taco Bueno almost every day while I'm there. Nice.

P.S. Who can help me with finding good codes to change the background on my blog? I have the hardest time finding good ones.

New Allergy

2008-04-23T16:34:00.001-07:00

I am allergic to Clinique Anti-Anti Gravity Eye Cream. This is new. I've used it in the past, periodically. I decided to start the regime again and now I have tiny little hives underneath my eyes. It itches and burns and it irritating the living evil out of me. I washed it off and even took a Benadryl, but still. Ew.

I am going through a lot of personal turmoil right now, and I'm very confused about everything. It's nothing to do with Alan or me, or me and my family, so don't worry. I am just wrecked and confused and all ick. I hate it.

On top of that I seem to be developing a sinus infection, or a sinus nuisance. My allergies have been horrible for the past month but now I am really feeling sick. I can feel the drainage down the back of my throat, my nose burns, my ears are ringing and tingling and my head really hurts.

I am hoping I feel better by this weekend because my Popple is getting baptized on Saturday! It will be a nice family occasion. I'm excited about celebrating and seeing Patty and Ed, who are the parents of some of my favorite people.

We're also going to go mattress shopping Saturday morning and hopefully find something for $800.00 or under. I'm thinking plush, plush, plush. Then I can save up for a nice comforter and sheet set and then in the next year I would also like to purchase bedroom furniture. I have never, since I was 14, had bedroom furniture other than a bed. And never ever in my life have I had a matching bedroom set. That's for rich folks!

I just really needed to sort through my brain and get some things out to make room for others. That was the point of this entry - if there ever was one.

The Household Madonna

2008-04-21T16:21:00.000-07:00

I'm going dress really cute tomorrow. Because I want to. Because I can. Because it's been a while since I've felt really confident.

I didn't really write much last week. Not because there wasn't much going on in my life. There was, there is. Lots. A lot to share another time.

Updates in home life: Alan bought a new deluxe knife set. There are seriously like 80 different knifes. All of which I have no business even looking at. I'm not the most coordinated when it comes to cutting things...like food. The other night I just wanted to cut my pizza and I got dizzy making my choice as to which one to use. I gave up and used an old steak knife. My old man is very particular in which way these knives are stored. I've already cut myself. When I went to place a glass in the dishwasher the damn meat cleaver brushed against my thumb and it bit me. I bled like a stuck pig.

On Saturday I raked all the leaves that were chilling out and decomposing on our back patio. I also mowed the lawn, much to Alan's chagrin. I assured him that I knew what I was doing, that I used to mow the lawn all the time to help my parents out when I was younger and that I actually like it. Hey, it's like vaccuming outside! So Alan gave in, and let me mow, but only after I promised I wouldn't use it against him. For example saying "I was mowing the lawn with a broken foot because my husband wouldn't!" or "Yea, our grass was waist high and it just didn't really bother my husband, so I took action. Oh by the way, my foot way broken"...that type of blackmail. You know, that wasn't allowed. I promised.

Sunday I went shopping for hair products and self tanners. That was fun.

Sunday night we fried catfish and had tater tots. Which was very appropriate being that we watched Napoleon Dynamite earlier on in the day. Tots. TOTS!

Today I went to the doctor for a follow up on my foot. On a positive note, I am healing nicely! I was told to wait another week to start back at the gym. Apparently I also tore a ligament (which I didn't hear the first time around, huh!) and that is what really needs more babying, not the broken bones. So I can start next week with cycling at the gym. Doctor suggested starting with 20 minutes and adding on 2-3 minutes per session. Then after I ease into that I can start adding the treadmill and elliptical.

This evening I went to projectplaylist.com to assemble an all Madonna playlist in hopes that it would inspire me to write. Music sometimes does. And it did. Look what you got. A blog about life, all inspired by Cherish.

On Sunday Morning

2008-04-14T15:02:00.000-07:00

The semi gloss Sunday greets me like a kiss on the nose in form of sunlight streaming through my bedroom window. The room is cool and quiet and I am nestled in my covers, wrapped up like a swaddled newborn. I am alone and at peace. I am faced with two minor choices at this moment. Do I stay in bed or do I wake and get dressed? I choose the former and nap off and on for another hour or two.

When I awake the sun shines a little bit higher and instead of feeling guilty, I am calm and thankful that for once, I slept in a little longer.

I walk upstairs and make a pot of coffee, extra strong, so strong it's bitter and syrupy. The only way to drink this concoction is with cream, and that's all. No sugar, I prefer the bite of the bean.

The boys are out fishing and I have complete and utter rule of the house. I can turn on my stereo and blast it loudly. I can watch CNN or VH-1 without any complaints or requests to turn it to AMC. Hell, I could walk naked around the house with slabs of bacon on my naughty bits clanging a tambourine for all anyone cares. I am alone and I love it.

I choose to get dressed and get a Sunday paper so I can tear it apart without reprieve and scan all the ads for clothes and makeup on sale just like I've predictably done for years and years. It's one of my things.

When I return from the neighborhood convenience store and pull into the drive I am reminded of how lucky I am to have a nice home, nice clothes to wear, good things to eat and friends that offer to me a family away from home.

I check the time. It is 11:55 am. Oh good, just in time for the Sunday Morning Church Bells. It's without a doubt my favorite part of Sunday. At noon, the church bells will ring in my neighborhood and echo off all the homes and land perfectly in my ear. It's simple, but it's a full out symphony to me and it feels as though it makes my brain smile and relax.

I open the door, climb up the stairs, grab my Sunday paper, my coffee and slip out the back door to our balcony, sit down and put my feet up. 11:59. Just waiting for my Sunday Morning Church Bells.

Reason 2605

2008-04-11T15:59:00.000-07:00

Reason 2605 on why Alan is so awesome: He came home, and we discussed what to eat for dinner. Keep in mind we are trying to use up all the food in our freezer and fridge before buying any more, so I got creative. I suggested cooking chicken nuggets, pasta and marinara sauce to producing a makeshift chicken parmigiana. He thought that was a super idea! Here comes the kicker: HE'S MAKING IT. NOT ME!

Yay!

In Love with Life aka It was a Good Day

2008-04-10T17:25:00.000-07:00

I've been doing all sorts of creative things with pita bread this week, all because Karen cleaned out her fridge and gave me a whole pack of them. Peanut Butter, Honey and Apple Slices on microwaved Pita, Toasted Pita with Turkey and Cheese with Italian Dressing for the Dipping and my favorite sliced toasted pita with ham, cheddar, oregeno and pepper with ranch for the dipping. I am finally down to my last pita. Resourceful, me thinks.

I went out for drinks with work friends tonight after work. It was so good to just talk, relax and vent. On top of that it was a beautiful, balmy, sunny day here in Raleigh. It made me think about how much I enjoy getting out and doing things and that I need to get out more often. Too many times I get lazy and don't want to go out. I have to fight my homebody urges.

I seriously love life today. I love my friends and the connections I have made. I am inspired by so many people I meet every day in the way they touch my life. Whether they make me smile, laugh, roll my eyes or get pissed off, I am glad to have them. Because I will take every moment that I get in this life and make it a learning experience.

Glamour and Patience

2008-04-09T14:53:00.000-07:00

It's here! Glamour Mag's swimsuit issue. I love this issue! I love how they take all body types of women; busty, pear shaped, boy build, big booty and plus size women and make them over. Being a plus size girl I can certainly understand swim suit angst. All I have to say to all my itty bitty friends worrying about looking fat in a swim suit is look at me, if I can work it with confidence, so can you! Obviously you need to pick something flattering to your shape, something you will wear more than once and most importantly, something that makes you feel sexy, cute and confident.

My favorite swim suit story ties in with my favorite life defining moment. I was a sophmore in high school on the swim team. To raise money we had a 6th period (last class of the day) inner school swim meet and if you wanted out of your 6th period class you could buy a ticket to watch us swim. So of course a good majority of my peers did. So I'm 15, chunky, insecure, acne all over my face and I am absolutely MORTIFIED at the idea of being in front of my entire high school in a swim suit. I was literally sick to my stomach all day. Like really, who, during their high school career, wants to be in front of everyone in their school in a speedo? Of course, the boys had it worst in their tiny little grape smugglers, but that's another story. I just KNEW as soon as I un-robed and walked across the pool deck that the stadium would go silent and that everyone was going to laugh and point and I would never have friends again. Of course, none of that happened. I swam, I made good times, actually had fun and shockingly, the world did not end! It was very liberating. And even now, to this day, when I am having an insecure moment I will often flashback to that moment and gather strength.

In other news I had a COMPLETE nuclear meltdown this morning on my way out the door. So most people that see me at work in the morning would be surprised if I told them I was very much not a morning person. See, the thing is, when you see me at work I've been up for 2 freaking hours and indulged my caffeine fix. But if you catch me in the first hour of waking up and try to interact with me like I was human I will rip your head off. Just ask my MoM or Alan. This morning I was on my way out when I realized I had no money for my eye appointment this afternoon. So this is the conversation that set me off:

Andrea to Alan: Did you find your checkbook?
Alan to Andrea: No, did you?
Andrea to Alan: No, why would I have asked you that if I knew where your check book was? I specifically asked you on Monday to find your checkbook so I wouldn't have to go through this with you this morning because I have an appointment this afternoon and I need to pay for it! Ugh!

*stomp stomp stomp*

And with that, I ran out of the room, ran to our office and start pulling things off the shelf in fury and hurry thinking his checkbook was in one of the boxes in the closet (we never write checks by the way). So then of course a box falls on me, breaks, sends CD's and computer parts flying every where and I am cursing and slamming things around and yeah, it made him really mad. I was totally being a snotty little bitch. I left the house with his AMEX and called when I got to work and apologized. He emailed me at work and says "It's okay baby, I know you get a little crabby in the morning. I love you and I'll see you tonight." That's it. And I deserved a spanking.

He's incredibly patient with me. He actually thinks it's funny when I am crabby in the morning. He won't admit it but I know he thinks it's funny when I go on a bad word tirade because my voice is so high he thinks it's cute. I am lucky, I have a great husband.

Some Musings

2008-04-08T15:27:00.001-07:00

Just things I thought today.

On rapper Flo-Rida: Hey, when you push the letters together, it’s Florida! Huh!

On my foot brace: When I put my two feet together, my left leg and foot look pretty and dainty compared to the Darth Vader leg.

On Alcholic Beverages: Whoever left the 2 Hornsby’s Hard Cider Amber Drafts in my fridge, I want to thank you. Yummy!

On Alan nagging me about taking all the Tupperware to work and not bringing it home: It’s all the dishwasher now, all 12 pieces!

On Fabric Softener: Turquoise Frost by Downy is where it’s at. Who would have thought I’d get excited about doing laundry?

On Monster Bites: Archer Farms brand at Target. A small bite of heaven, individually packaged for your eating pleasure. It’s a mini granola bar dipped in chocolate with peanuts, caramel and mini M&Ms on top. That’s what I’m talkin’ about, yo!

On computer illiterate people: I know I should be annoyed, but when I know more about computers than you, it’s actually kind of cute and endearing. But still annoying. I’ll deal.

My cats: Karen, if my cats could write they would send you a thank you card because they are OBSESSED with their play pen/jungle gym you gave them. I can’t get over it.

Massive Easter

2008-03-24T15:56:00.000-07:00

I hope this does not offend any one. Just keep in mind I have a skeptical and distaste of organized religion.

Alan's family is Catholic and when we go home for the weekend it is expected for us to go to church. His mother is an uber conservative Church lady in uber conservative Mary Kay outfits, which is actually ironic, because her name is Mary Kay! Go figure. Anyway, nothing against my mother in law but I secretly think she thinks I am a heathen and that I took her son away from her and the Catholic church. I know this. Therefore I resent the fact that when I am at their house I am an assumed Christian made to go to Catholic church, which I enjoy just about as much as I like getting a root canal. Here are some of my observations:

When going to Mass, you will see all sorts. Hump-backed sweet little old ladies with a q-tip puff of cotton white hair, Asians, Blacks, Hispanics, White Upper Class, White Middle Class and Lower Middle Class. Love that.

I've been waiting for many, many years for the priest to hit me with his Holy Water simply so I can say to Alan "Ow, it burns!!". This has never happened and every Easter I get so close to being sprinkled, but it misses me every time.

The orchestra sucks.

This priest at the church really, really creeps me out. When he speaks spittle gathers at the corner of his mouth. So gross and disturbing this spittle is to me that I bury my head in the bible (this time I read the book of Ruth) while dodging disapproving glares from Alan's Mom.

You're not supposed to chew gum says Mary Kay, but I do anyway. Ha!

I always get trampled when everyone gets up for communion and I have to stay behind.
The only consolation prize for attending mass is the little kids who act innapropriately and scream and carry on.

Apparently the little bottles on the alter are not perfume bottles, but holy oil.

The pretty decorated box on the alter is not called the Jesus Box, it is the eucharist. Get it right or pay the price!

While I am not conservative by any means I do not find it in good taste to wear backless sundresses or swim suit cover ups to church. Yes, I saw this.

Now while these seem like complaints, and some of them are, I go to Mass with Alan's family for one reason and that reason is, are you ready....I do it out of respect for my Mother in law who believes in something with her entire being and I can respect that, and her. And we are only visiting every few months, what's it going to hurt me?

I'm still waiting on that Holy Water to hit me....

and burn.

A poem

2008-03-21T15:16:00.000-07:00

This tweed couch sun fades
soft words were never spoken
lip to lip complete

salmon pink velvet skin
falling, falling deeper in
a sigh escapes you

Sir-Ree-Us-Lee?

2008-03-19T16:41:00.000-07:00

I had a mini-meltdown at work today. There’s a lot to tell about why but really what it was is all the negative energy in the office. It was suffocating me today. I’m also extremely empathetic and I feel others unhappiness, deeply. I always want to fix it the problem and it’s hard for me to realize that it’s not mine to fix. I’m usually the class clown and can always make someone smile or laugh and even I wasn’t feeling like putting on a show today.

Either way, I ended up in the bathroom for a good ten minutes just bawling. I just felt so much sadness creeping in to me. I couldn’t get my shiz together. Just as soon as I’d wipe my eyes, fix my mascara and blow my nose I’d sob again.

I just wish things were a little different for all...

But I did go work out with my girl Jessy tonight and that made me feel loads better. We got to talking and laughing and I felt semi-normal again.

I’ve been really bothered by the fact that my father will not speak to me right now. I haven’t spoke to him since Christmas. I consistantly call him and leave voice mails. I even went so far as to ask his common law wife to have him call me.

Sigh.

I’m home now and I have a girls night (ME) planned out. I’ve got a glass of wine and I’m going to take a shower, give myself a facial, put on my glasses, get in my jammies, turn on Law and Order and dip into the new In Style and Elle Magazines that came in the mail this week.

I’m Going to Buy 4 Garbage Disposals!

2008-03-18T16:45:00.000-07:00

I really resent the fact that an outstanding, young, bright and talented student at UNC got murdered. But what I really resent is the unfairness of the overexposure on the story. If Eve Carson were a black student at NCCU murdered in the same tasteless and pointless way that the real Eve Carson was killed I do not believe the story would have been as widley covered. Even if that make believe person from NCCU were student body president I don’t believe it would receive as much coverage or sympathy from the community. It’s not fair. And it happens all the time. What a waste.

Local events in Raleigh have really pissed me off as of lately. I’m not even going to go on my tirade here about the Garbage Disposal Ban in Raleigh, where I live. It really does make me want to buy a garbage disposal and install it in the shower just like Kramer did on Seinfeld.

I’ll just say shortly that it is my opinion that the government, both local and federal, has their dirty little hands in ever aspect of my life and I loathe it!

I wanna wanna.

2008-03-15T12:50:00.000-07:00

People keep telling me I need to get a dog before we have a baby. Although these people are well meaning and sincere in their opinion, I disagree for several reasons.

1.) Been there, done that. When my parents went through their seperation and later divorce in 2000 I had to take care of both a Miniature Pincher and a Boster Terrier (Mitzi and Bubba) basically all by myself. My mother moved into an apartment while my father and I resided in the house. My Dad works long hours, most nights not coming home until 9 or 10pm. I would come home from work and let the dogs out, feed them, bathe them, give them affection, etc. I was the primary care giver for those animals. I was also in my early 20's, going out all the time, being wild and reckless but I always, ALWAYS made sure my babies were fed and let out before having my fun. I also saw how unfair it was to have an animal that you don't have enough time for, which leads me to reason two:

2.) If Alan and I were to get a dog right now it would not receive the love and attention it deserves during the week. I leave the house at 6:55 am in the morning, Alan leaves at 7:30. We work 25 miles away from our house, meaning the dog would be alone until 6pm at night 5 days a week. Not fair at all.

3.) Our backyard is not fenced. We'd have to take the dog on walks at least 3-4 times a day and after writing reason number two it's just not possible.

But after saying all that I realize how much I really want a dog!! It's not in the cards right now though. I've been trying to work my magic into Alan because I want a Sphynx Cat but I just don't think he's going to go for it.

The Ceramic Dragon

2008-03-12T15:08:00.000-07:00

Let’s talk about funny presents. Have you ever gotten a less than perfect present? Did you have your heart set on something totally different than what your loved one got you? How did you handle the situation? Did you pretend or tell the truth?

I think for my 22nd birthday Alan got me a giant rainbow irridescent colored ceramic dragon that was an incense burner. Included was over a thousand incense cones. The dragon would fume incense out of it’s nostrils, an effect I found humourous but kind of made me want to cry at the same time. While it’s true I like incense, and I did at one point like dragons a little bit, I was less than ecstatic by this gift. Charmed, yes (how odd and random can you be?). Neverless, the incense dragon was placed on the glass coffee table at the apartment Tammy and I shared. And the smoke that billowed out that poor dragon’s nose was fragrant like a dirty hippie.

Of course, anyone who knows my husband know he’s a bit odd. For example, he spent pretty much the whole day on Monday sorting out his wheat penny collection by year and then by mint.

Don’t get me started.

But I suppose that’s one of the reasons I love him. I’ve always loved and adored odd characters, someone who is not afraid to walk to the beat of another off tempo beat. There is something refreshing about his odd, yet genius ways and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Mert!

2008-03-10T14:48:00.000-07:00

We just got back from our honeymoon. We had a wonderful time! Stayed at an oceanfront hotel that was fabulous and had a hot tub in the room. It got a lot of use. Ate a lot of yummy seafood and frequented the local restaurants and bars.

I love Coastal NC. It's so charming and the little beach towns are so comforting and familiar to me. I love the dirtiness and honesty of it. I always said I would never live in a really small town but I would make an exception for a small beach town.

Phil watched my kitters while we were away and it was nice to see they weren't too traumatized. (just kidding Phil, we love you!) It's so funny, I always miss my babies when I am away but very rarely admit it because I know that I am only 40 years away from meeting my titled destiny title, "Crazy Cat Lady".

Today we went home improvement shopping and got some random items: toilet seat (the one upstairs is broken!) some wall anchors so I can install the shelves Jessy gave me and a kitchen cart, which is kind of like a rolling storage/workspace.

Tomorrow is back to work and back to normalcy. I'll start working out again on schedule and get the housework back on track. It's been nice to have a break from all that.

I think our friend Randy Powell will be coming in from Greensboro on Saturday to hang out and watch the ACC tournament. I'm really excited because I haven't kept up on basketball at all this year and I LOVE college basketball!

So that's pretty much all for now.

Fairy Tail

2008-02-24T13:51:00.001-08:00

In a huge decrepitated house bricks falling to the ground
I hear your screams without even hearing a sound
I run up the spiral staircase to a tower of which even Rapenzel would envy
and fantasize of flying

Into the moat I would fall and the alligator gar would have a feast
that is if they could catch me, my soul a dark slimy bitter beast
So I choose to swim to shore
My pumpkin-esque chariot blinding me with gold

In to the dirty city we will ride
my three wise men kept close to my side
When we get there I will fill my eyes and mind with sights to be told
dirty full of life beings with so much more than I to ever give

My three wise men will chatter nervously
a princess out of her castle, why this was never meant to be!
The dark men come and shove me back in
The pumpkin turns to beasts, home again.

Just...random.

2008-02-19T15:53:00.000-08:00

Here I am, sitting at a social gathering so awkward that when I place my vodka tonic down I secretly look around the room to see what shady character looks to be the most promising to slip a roofie in my drink. Admit it, we've all been there.

If only the walls could talk perhaps they would entertain me a bit.

I find it disturbing that some Catholics, or maybe just big Virgin Mary fans, like to paint Mother Mary on their Buick LaSalle's. On the hood, of all places. What about a nice profile shot on the door handle, or an engraved image on the rim of the tire? But the hood?

Yesterday at work there was a big fresh mud wad on the floor by the water cooler in the hallway. I seriously stopped and studied this mud wad because I couldn't stop the nagging in my brain that someone had walked right past the loo and straight up shat on the rug. In my office where emails are sent out reminding the boys not to wipe their boogers on the bathroom stalls, stranger things have indeed happened.

Does anyone really know why they put carob bean gum or vegetable oil in Gatorade and Fresca?
You know that face you make when you suck on a lemon? Why does Rene Zellweger have that permanent look on her mug?

My husband likes to chew on toothpicks. Constantly. Then he likes to shred the toothpics into tiny little shards of wood. Which I then step on and then get a splinter. And he won't stop no matter how much I beg plead and bargain.

Mineral Makeup

2008-02-12T17:34:00.001-08:00

I've been using Bare Minerals for over 3 years now and I LOVE it. It's improved my skin tone, I hardly ever break out (knock on wood) and it's easy to use once you get the hang of it. But I would be lying if I said I was happy paying $25.00 every 3 1/2 to 4 months for a new supply. To be honest, I cannot afford that luxury right now.

So Sunday I had a coupon for Maybelline Mineral Makeup and Rite Aide was offering buy one get one free so I decided what the hell, I'll try it out. For $10.00 I really won't be out that much money. I was also really skeptical because I had heard about other imposter mineral makeups that didn't even begin to compare to Bare Minerals. But let me tell you, this stuff is EXCELLENT! It's almost the exact same thing at a 4th of the price. The only difference I am able to tell is that maybe it is not milled as fine and that the colors are more saturated. Normally color saturation = a higher priced cosmetic, but with the foundation you want more translucency.

Anyway, I am completely happy with my purchase which ended up being $6.00 after the BOGO and coupon at Rite Aide. Thought I'd share my good fortune.

Who would have thought - Maybelline?!?

It's Nothing, Really.

2008-02-08T16:48:00.000-08:00

I've been working out 4 times a week for two weeks now! I am so proud of myself and this blog is my way of encouraging myself to keep going.

I feel stronger

Every day I can walk a little faster at a higher incline for a little longer.

I feel the muscles in my legs building up and I LOVE IT!

I have more energy.

My mental health is improving.

I sleep better.

I love the glow my skin has after I work out.

Every session is an accomplishment and an achievement. I was seriously out of shape. I am improving myself, physically and mentally.

My confidence is building.

Adding an extra rep on my weight lifting gives me a small thrill.

I am DOING something instead of THINKING of doing it.

For me, working out is not only a vanity thing, I enjoy feeling strong and capable. By continuing to be physically active I will only feel better.

Going to the gym has been easy to incorporate into my daily routine. It has not been as much of a challenge as I thought it would be. I'm home most nights by 6:45. Plenty of time to take care of my house hold chores, laundry, and my husband.

I am awake 15-16 hours a day. What better way to spend and hour and a half of that time getting healthier?

Working out encourages me to make healthier eating choices. When I am using my body I want to fuel it with premium healthy foods.
********

So in other news, Laurissa will be here on Wednesday!! I am so excited. Laurissa was my first best friend I made in Raleigh. She moved back to Los Angeles last February. She's just a great person with great energy and a heart of gold. She gets in Wednesday evening. We're going to have so much fun!!
This weekend I have lots to do to prepare, mainly cleaning and washing linens. I also have an art project I want to start.

Implantation of the Brain

2008-02-06T16:01:00.000-08:00

The biggest lie I ever told got me the most fun job I've had since I was a teenager. The lie? Why, it was not ill intended of course, but man oh man it was a whopper. I told my current employer, "I am a highly organized person and things drive me crazy when they are out of place!" I said this with a shit eating grin on my mug and a polka dotted scarf tied around my neck. I am seriously convinced it's easier to bend the truth a smidget when you are dressed to the nines.

Organized: methodical and efficient in arrangement or function.

Disorganized: lacking order or methodical arrangement or function.

I am much more of the latter. Don't get me wrong, I am a hard worker, I think I am very professional and efficient, but definetely not organized.

When I think about it, no, I'm not organized but I am a master at multitasking. In fact, I am pretty sure I could not NOT multitask. Even in my spare time I am multi-tasking. Example: right now I am waiting on the dryer to get done so I can put my clothes in the dryer and fold Alan's, I am eating dinner as I write, making a list of things to do while Laurissa is here, mentally preparing for Alan to grumble about the "budget" and thinking of ways I can manipulate more money out of him and how I can stretch my funds while also sporadicly breaking throughout this blog to check my spelling by using google as my spell check.

On that note, am I the only one who uses Google as a dictionary? I simply can't be.

So today my friend let me read his book that he's working on. It was really good stuff! Now I am very much inspired to start my own. I've been thinking about it for a few years actually. Before I was interested in writing fiction but now I feel like I've got a pretty good start on writing non-fiction about my life or just silly observations. I think I'm pretty funny and brutally honest. Well, it's something to think about anyway.

Mac Daddy Donald's

2008-02-04T16:03:00.001-08:00

I pass a McDonald's on my way home from work every day. This particular McDonald's is done in a lime green and yellow theme. The sign shouts in it's Sprite colored glory "TRY OUR NEW SKILLET BURRITO!", and every day I have the same answer. Not today McDonald's, not today. Today I will be skillet burrito free as much as I desire to give into your demands.

Honeymoon - Finally!

2008-02-02T07:52:00.001-08:00

So, 6 months later we have finally made plans for our honeymoon!

We're going to Carolina Beach, NC to stay for 4 nights at the oceanfront Courtyard Marriot. I booked a King suite room with a whirlpool hot tub in the room with our own private balcony. I am so excited!

My generous Mom and Stepdad are paying for our honeymoon, otherwise we'd never have gotten to go. Thanks Mom and Dad!

We'll be gone from March 6-10th.

Here is the link to where we will be staying: Courtyard Carolina Beach

Eww, Gawd.

2008-01-31T16:46:00.000-08:00

I'm such a pig. I get home from working out and feel like a Somali kid let loose in a supermarket. The entire way home from the gym it's like a chorus in my head "Gotta eat, wanna eat, so hungry, fkn feed my grille!". Wait, that song is second to "Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go right now!" because I consume so much water at the gym and it's a 45 minute ride home...
Then I reach my final destination of the evening, home sweet home. And I RUN up stairs to the kitchen and eat a yogurt or an apple while I wash the dishes or put a load of laundry in the dryer and then I'm still hungry. So I make a sandwich.

Alan has taken to emailing me with recipes from allrecipes.com that he wants me to cook. Awww, he's so cute isn't he? He things I am going to cook for him after a long day at work, going to the gym and then driving an hour home with all the other slack jawed yokel in the world. For me, cooking is about having the time to cook. I'll cook something on the weekend but I just don't feel the need to spend an hour, even 30 minutes cooking something when I can eat a sandwich or miscellaneous items with the same satisfaction. It's not worth it to me.

Who knows what we'll do when we have kids. I was actually thinking about that the other day, oddly enough, when I spied a booger in Alan's nose. I told him he had a bat in the cave and he went to pick it in front of me, proceeded to show it to me and I gagged and dry heaved like I do when I hear or see something gross. I thought "My God, what will I do when I have to change a diaper or clean up vomit and spit up?!?" I told Alan my fears and proceeded to let him know that I was hereby premptively assigning him with that duty. Yea. He laughed. HARD.

Break Out the Leotards!

2008-01-30T03:47:00.000-08:00

I've started a new job, as I like to think of it. It's a commitment to myself and a responsibility that I must perform. Yes, my friends, I've joined a gym. If I look at it like a job I feel like I'm more able to stick with it and not be lazy. So for the next two weeks I'll probably feel rushed a bit until I get used to the schedule. I leave work in the afternoons at 4:45, rush to the gym, dress down, 30 minutes cardio (this week only, I'll work up to 40) then 40 minutes of weights and then stretching. It puts me home at 6:45-7pm and then there is household chores. Last night I was wore out and it was only 8:30. But I did wake up bright and early today at 5 am, no alarm!

Last weekend we started the first step for our garden. We planted onions, tomatoes, bell peppers, and jalepenos. We're starting those from seeds, so we put them in our little green house and water them twice a day. Once they sprout it will be almost spring and we'll be able to plant them outside, along with the other things we are going to plant like strawberries, watermelons and cucumbers. I'm really excited! I hope it works.

So, anyway, I hope everyone has a great Wednesday and I'll talk to you all soon.

Miss Priss Does Macroeconomics

2008-01-24T15:35:00.001-08:00

I learned lots of new important things today and lots of big important words. Your favorite blond at heart born as a brunette is going to share.

The subject of the day is the Economic Stimulus Plan. Basically, we're all going to get $600 dollars from the government in their attempt to stimulate the economy. Couples who file jointly will receive $1200 ($600 a piece) and if you've spawned offspring lately, good news for you! You'll get an additional $300 per kid. President Bush is saying that the package will "boost our economy and encourage job creation." Well, I sure as hell am not going to create a new company with my bonus $1200 check, but in two shakes of a lambs tail I sure will stimulate the economy by purchasing a new bed! How's that for patriotism.

Uh oh, this just in - I read in between the lines. Balls. There is always a catch. You will only be eligible for these checks if you earned jointly $150,000 last year or $75,000 individually. So wait a minute. We are awarding the upper middle class with basically a welfare check? What? Oh man, I've been thinking about this all day and now I realize I'm being screwed. Alan and I did not file jointly last year and even if we would have, we wouldn't have earned $150,000. Puh-leez.

I'm so disappointed, but not surprised.

Why is the government doing this? Because my friends, we are heading towards a recession. Some analysts already define us as in a recession. I'll take a moment and define recession as well as I know how to explain it. It's negative economic growth for two or more quarters a year. Meaning that us Americans are not buying enough product. Therefore, demand goes down. When demand goes down, your supply goes in the shitter. When your supplies go down people get laid off because there is no demand to create the supply. Now I must stress here that it's a perfectly normal, predictable cycle. It happens, it's not the end of the world. However, the way the government handles the next year is crucial as to how bad it could get.

How's that for Macroeconomics in a nutshell?

Just Say No, or Yes, Or, What Was the Question?

2008-01-22T15:07:00.000-08:00

Let's talk drugs. Both recreational and functional. More heavy on the latter.

Since my 21st birthday when I was christened, by a what I now believe to be quack doctor, with bipolar disorder, I have been highly medicated. I have been on a whole slew of antidepressants: Lithium, Effexor, Lexapro, Carbamazepine, Paxil, Wellbutrin, Amitriptyline and my favorite, Xanax.

Let me tell you something about Lithium. It is not only a drug, it is a responsibility and a way of life. When you are on Lithium sodium can build up in your system and you can die. Which is why you have to complete lab tests while you are on it. Of course this is a worse case scenario, but it's serious stuff. I had just turned 21, was living the life of a typical 21 year old and was not ready for such serious medicine. The 2 weeks I was on Lithium I was a zombie. I felt completely numb of any type of emotion and not in a good "hey I just smoked a joint and took a Valium" type of way. I literally felt like an alien on this medicine. So I did what I do best and denied the diagnosis and haven't approached the subject since. Carbamozepine and Effexor are what the doctor put me on after I refused to take Lithium.

Try as they may, they could never take my sadness away.

When I look back at the situation I realize I was completely broken inside. I was going through a lot of issues with my father, I was struggling with whether or not I wanted to move to North Carolina, my brother was, well, my brother was my brother, and I had just moved out on my own. All that normal stress added to a mood disorder or chronic depression, whatever I have, and I was a mess. Since I'm naturally a bubbly person I was putting on a major show every day and not letting anything out. I needed help. And I refused to see a therapist on the thought process of "I don't listen very well, so what's the point?". I was so completely desperate for help and so very very sad and hopeless.

My point is, if I'm trying to make one, when do we stop looking for an answer in the form of a pill? Is treating depression with pharmaceuticals the same as treating a cut with Neosporin? Recommended but not absolutely neccessary? For me, in my life right now, it's absolutely necessary. When I attempt to go off my medications I go into complete emotional shock. I can't function in all aspects of life whether it be as a wife, an assistant at work, a friend, a daughter, etc. I shut down and make a mess of myself and those I love most. Spend one day with me when I am non-medicated and you will be ready to pull your hair out. It's intolerable.

What do you do? What do I do? I choose to take it day by day. 3 weeks ago I was ready to completely purge myself of my personal holy grail of vices: Nicotine, Lexapro and Caffiene. I failed. I'm smoking again. I do plan on stopping soon again. I know know my triggers and have made plans to avoid them. Caffeine was a sucess. I've cut down signifigantly. Lexapro. Different story. I went for 5 days completely off of it. I broke down on my way to work, at work, at lunch I would call my mother sobbing, go back to work, break down in the bathroom, come home, pick fights with Alan, cry again, repeat. I am down to 2.5 mgs now, so I'm still on the way slow slope to being Lexapro free. I'm not so pressured about these vices anymore as we've decided to wait until summer to start thinking about having a kid. This makes it better to me, almost as if I have permission to fuck up.

Weighing In

2008-01-21T18:06:00.000-08:00

REPOST 1/30/06

Perhaps I should be worried about my weight.
But I'm not.

It's always been a touchy subject with me. I fought long and hard with my mind to accept that I'd never be a size four or six or even ten. I'm a big girl even at my most fit. I won this battle with my mind and have been at peace with my self image ever since.

I've been told by friends that my self confidence is catching and that in being around me they to feel more confident. Is this because I am bigger than them and they in turn feel smaller around me? Maybe in part, but I think there is more to it.

It's called Act It, Feel It, Be It. And I do it every day. ACT confident about yourself and in turn you will FEEL confident which will then MAKE YOU confident. This saying works on many different levels and has gotten me through many bad days.

Back to the weight issue. Being a bigger person in society is hard. It's one of the only medical conditions, besides skin conditions & deformities, that you can see on the outside of a person. There is so much pressue to be thin and look perfect, it's absolutely insane!

What I'd really like to say is that before you beat yourself up for not losing weight or for how you look stop and think about why you are doing it. Is it for you or is it for someone else? And what are you going to do about it besides complain? Because let me tell you, I have mentally left many a conversation when people start complaining about their weight or naming what they ate that day. How boring can you get?

My Momma

2008-01-21T18:04:00.000-08:00

**REPOST 2/1/07**

Mom,
There are so many good things about being your daughter I don't even know when to start. Well, let me just say, like I've said before, when I get older and have a moment when I say "Oh my God, I've turned into my Mother", I won't mind at all. When others close to me say the same thing I will hold my head high and take it as the highest compliment.

You have always let me be me. When I was a little girl and wanted to wake up on my own and do my own hair you didn't cry because you didn't get to do those things anymore. You let me do it myself and taught me along the way. You let me pick out my own outfits and when I wanted to shave my legs you didn't say, "Oh no, you're not old enough!", you bought me a safe razor and showed me how. When I wanted to wear makeup and wasn't allowed I did it anyway. Instead of fighting with me we went and picked out sheer, Bonne Belle & Maybelline colors.

When I used to cry about my weight and how ugly I thought I was you were always there holding me and assuring me that I was not. You always listened to me and never told me I was silly or absurd. After all, those were my feelings.

You comforted me always in the middle of the night when I had night terrors. I would be too afraid to come wake you up so instead I would cry, "MOM!" in bed. Now that I am older and work 8 hour days I know how frustrating it must have been to wake up and come comfort a child. But you did it. You love me!

You've guided me along as a mother first and a best friend second. When I made the decision to move to North Carolina 2 years ago you were sad but you supported me the whole way. This was so difficult for you, and for me you should know. You knew that my happiness was important and I really respect you for that. Now I am so happy with the man I love but still missing my Mommy.

Sometimes when I think about being away from you I cry and cry. The thought of another year not close to you makes me almost physically ill and makes my heart literally ache. But I want you to know I'll be home. We'll be together again soon. We have to! I want you to be a grandmother to my children and I want to take care of you when you get really old. Really, I do.
I love you Momma and I can't think of a better Mother out there than you.

Something You May Never Understand

2008-01-21T18:02:00.000-08:00

*REPOST 10/31/06**

I am not a martyr, sometimes when I cry it is not for me, but for you.

I think only of my place in life and how it intertwines and tangles with yours.

Let's be clear that no one ever said I wasn't selfish but sometimes this pain is not mine to bear, but yours. You own it and afflict it most times unknowingly upon me. Sometimes I suffer in silence and other times I cry out loud. My temperment is so that my pain lashes out in the form of anger and bitterness, and oh yes, I'll make you hurt too. It makes my personality hurt, for this is not the real me. This is the little girl inside that never learned to cope in a healthy way, but only to get her way and break everyone down who stands in her way.

I'm stronger than you, I'm more vibrant and I'm certainly more vocal about my needs. I've been called brash, blunt, bossy and even a bitch with good intentions, these things I will admit to. But understand it's part of my personality and something that I can work on toning down but will never go away. We can talk, I can take medicine to help with the depression, but underneath all the jokes, laughing and smiles I am still the little broken person trying to sweep up her shattered pieces.

November 18, 2006

2008-01-21T18:01:00.000-08:00

**REPOST**

This week was boring. Of course, it was short, I came home Tuesday evening from Tulsa.
I guess I should be thankful nothing bad happened this week.

Alan took off this weekend at the last minute to go home. His sister from St. Louis is in town, so I understand. It always cracks me up how his family just does things at the last minute. Let me re-phrase that - it always irritates the crap out of me that they do things at the last minute! For example I got the email invite to come to Mooresville this weekend on Thursday. I book my weekends in advance and I know that sounds snobby, but it's true! I have a lot of friends and like to get a lot of fun in on the weekend. I'm also a very regimented person....I need a week for trips requiring driving more than 2 hours. I have to mentally prepare myself for a weekend with the Momma Pautsch.

Oh God, my new last name will be Pautsch (pouch). Horrors of Horrors!!

Last night I bought a makeup starter kit for Nelka. It was so much fun! I just bought her some simple items: 2 eyeshadows, mascara, blush, eyeliner and lipgloss. She has beautiful skin so we didn't feel like she needed foundation. It was really fun because Nelka is African American so I got to pick a lot of different colors that I normally pass over. I'll see her tonight and we'll go over how to apply it.

I really miss home and it's so easy for me to fantasize about just packing everything up and leaving when things get rough. I get very wary of being an adult sometimes and taking care of everything. And I don't even take care of everything because Alan does - so imagine how I would feel if I were REALLY a responsible adult! I just feel out of control a lot of the time. My house is a complete disaster, my car is a mess, my tags are 2 years old, my bedroom keeps shrinking, the cat keeps barfing, etc.....I'm very much a momma's girl and I just want to go, "MMMMMOOOMMMM!! - come fix it for me!

Someone shoot me with a tranquilizer gun, please.

Repost from Sept 16th, 2006

2008-01-21T17:59:00.000-08:00

I'm posting some of my favorite blogs previously posted on myspace.

*************************************************************

I'm finally ready to write about this. Not to notify the world, per se, but to help me heal.
September 16, 2006

I was pregnant for two weeks. And in those two weeks I relished in the idea of life, of love, of happiness and of peaceful content. People looked upon me differently, spoke to me in gentle tones and asked about my well being with positive concern in their voice. I radiated with the love, the attention and the dream of having a child. For once in my life it was not about me. For once in my life I had a purpose greater than just exsisting. I had a point, a goal, an idea and inside of me, a beautiful dream was just beginning.

Then I bled.

The doctors visit confirmed it. I had a miscarriage. The ultrasound would show me. Where a baby would have a been was a salt and pepper television screen staring back at me. I felt cheated, angry, disappointed and incredibly sad.

I try and concentrate on the good things, like how I can go about my life in a normal way. I can drink with my friends and stay out late and behave in a reckless fashion. I can plan my wedding.....It's very hard though, and it's a day by day progress. I guess I thought I would deal with this like, "Okay, I had a miscarriage, life sucks, cry about it and move on". But this hurt is much more deep than that.

It's funny that what was an accident turned out to be something we wanted so bad, only to have the accident erased from our lives.

Weekend Update

2008-01-20T11:21:00.000-08:00

So as I predicted, the meteorologists were wrong. It did snow for 6 hours, but it was way too warm and melted immediately. No accumulation.

But that didn't stop us from pretending to have snow yesterday. Alan, Phil, John and I had an all day, non-stop "24" marathon. First season. It was awesome. That show is pure crack. I feel guilty for not doing anything constructive yesterday.

Alan is going to trade his F150 truck down for a Honda Fit see here. It will be a good trade down and we'll save money from gas and the car payment will probably be less than what we pay now. I'm really excited for him. I hope I get to drive it too. We'll be buying a new car for me over the next year, the plan is to save up $2000 for a down payment and also use the trade in value on my sunfire I drive right now. I want a Mazda 3 5 door. Mazda 3 Series So if you'd like to contribute, talk to me. Ha!

We're getting ready to go over to Julie and Adam's to watch the game tonight. I am so excited for NY to win!

It'll be another busy week at work. I have so many "projects" at work right now I'm having a hard time concentrating on one until it gets done. So hopefully, I'll be able to complete one of them this week.

Lordamercy, Help us Jeebus!

2008-01-18T15:41:00.001-08:00

The meteorologists are calling for the possibility of 3-4 inches of snow tomorrow in the Raleigh area. Please note that I said possibility. The whole city is worked up in a lather over this, delpleting stores of their milk and bread supplies and preparing to "hunker down" for this tretchorous winter storm. All I can really say is "Man, I sure do love these crazy Southerners" and "Bless their little hearts, thems scared of a little snow!" It is kind of sweet though, I will admit. I'm certainly not trying to sound all bad ass because I have snow experience. But it makes me giggle. I've lived here for almost 4 years now and it's snowed 2 times that actually measured up to an inch if not less. The whole effing town is over reacting.

The Vocation of Servitude

2008-01-17T11:40:00.000-08:00

In a perfect world I wouldn't have to work a job like this. In a perfect world my family wouldn't have fell apart the year I was trying to attend college. In a perfect world I would have been able to handle the stress, strong enough to continue to go to school, to follow my dreams. I probably would not have chosen this professional life. But this is not about choice. This is about making the most of what you have. This is about striving every day to do the best you can, even if it's serving someone a cup of coffee, making copies, cleaning up after messy, careless people. In order to do this I have to pretend every day to give a s*it. Let's just say I deserve an Oscar for the performance I put on every day.

Serve. Always hated that word. See, I'm not really a server per say. I am more of a serv-ee. I enjoy being taken care of at home, as I take care of people all day at my job. It's in my nature, my blood. I've grown up around a whole harem of women servers. Maybe server isn't a politically correct word. But I've grown up in a world where women are the fixers, the merry makers, the make rights. We live to be taken advantage of, to be thrown out without a second glance, our feelings never considered. Perhaps that is why I am so strong and why my mother, aunt and Grandma were so strong. But we're also crazy and mental illness runs rampant in my family.

It's a hard life always pretending and keeping your feelings inside. I get tired of swimming upstream and against the current. It's something I work on everyday, something I strive not to do. But it's hard to be yourself and not tear others down.

The New of Love

2008-01-15T15:23:00.000-08:00

The New of Love

I was talking to someone about this today:

I have two friends are truely, deeply in love. It's been 3 months now they've been dating seriously and they are so sweet, so cute, so endearing to each other. It's really beautiful to see. It's a joy to be around them.

But then I got to thinking about the "new" of love. If everything goes as planned in my marriage, I'll never have that again. I'll never have those butterflies of when you go on your first date or when you wonder when they will call...the first time you kiss, first fight, first time you make love, etc. Never again!

So is it nothing but down from here? Do you trade butterflies for stability? Does society and its thoughts on marriage set us up for failure? Or am I alone in this thinking? Or, do you, as my friend stated, "start making babies!"?

Don't get me wrong, I'm not unhappy with my current marital status.

I'm so confused. What do you think?

Little White Haired Old Ladies

2008-01-15T14:49:00.000-08:00

Boring? Never!

As I get older and older it becomes more apparent to me that Mom was right: The world does NOT, in fact, revolve around me. <-----that's all I have to say about that right now. Just one of those kick you in the ass self realization moments. Isn't it special?

I had an interesting day:
Interesting Moment 1: I had to go to the gas station first thing in the morning. I went to the one in Garner off of 70 and Hammond. When I get there the employee in charge is pacing around yelling "Danny, Danny are you okay?!?" so I ask her what is going on and if I can help. She says there is a homeless man in the bathroom having a seizure again. She's asking me if I can hear him in there and if I know what to do. I tell her we need to call the ambulance. She replies "Last time I called 911 on him he got mad at me." At this point I go to the mens bathroom which is locked and knock on the door "Sir? Sir are you okay?" I hear a whole bunch of banging around and huffing and puffing in there, clearly, he's in distress. I tell the employee again that we need to call 911 and she is busy ringing people up who are now lined up to the door because of the delay on account of the emergency. I asked her for the phone, dial 911, tell them we have a man either having a seizure or heart attack in the bathroom and definetely needs medical attention. 911 assures me they'll be there ASAP. The employee thanks me and I leave and go on my merry effing Monday way.

Interesting Moment 2: I like to call this one: Drive By "Oooh, Grandma Straight Up Told YOU!!". I'm at Target on my lunch hour picking up air fresheners for the house and there is a huge, burley lumberjack type guy with a gravely voice on his cell phone talking loudly. Now, I am not bothered by people talking on their cell phone when shopping, it just doesn't irritate me, oddly enough. All the sudden I see a white haired old lady on a motorized shopping cart yelling at this guy on his cell phone, "You need to get off the G*d damn phone, hang the fucking phone up! You have no manners!" Paul Bunyan raises his eyebrows and keeps talking to the other person on the phone with no response to Grandma's outburst. I am thinking that maybe this old woman was his mother or someone he knew, surely this sweet little old lady wouldn't yell at someone like that?!? I'm baffled and tickled pink and laughing. I ask the guy that the lumberjack was shopping with "Do you know her?!?" and he says "No! She was yelling like that at kids in the toy aisle earlier!" At this point the lumberjack gets off the phone and lets loose a whole string of curse words telling the little old lady off, even though she has since moved on, presumably to harass other Target patrons.

And that, my friends, was what I like to call an "interesting" day.